Have mercy.

By Kelly Connolly
Updated August 22, 2015 at 12:00 PM EDT
Credit: Sergei Bachlakov/Lifetime

The Unauthorized Full House Story

  • TV Show

If you’ve ever thought the set of Fuller House looks too happy, Lifetime has the movie for you. Or at least, that’s what Lifetime wants you to think. Are there scandals to be mined from behind the scenes of Full House? Maybe not, but The Unauthorized Full House Story is here to dramatize the making of the late ‘80s-early ‘90s juggernaut all the same. Haven’t you heard? The Tanners are in the zeitgeist again.

Here are 35 things that apparently happened while Full House was in production, if you squint:

  1. The Tanners’ front door was on the right side of the set. Don’t argue. All of your memories are wrong.
  2. Bob Saget (Garrett Brawith) was the kind of guy who would tell you to “guess what happened today” and followed that up with, “You’re not gonna guess,” because he didn’t believe in you, not really, not when the chips were down.
  3. Dave Coulier (Justin Mader) was on the cutting edge of caller ID.
  4. Dave almost got SNL, and his agent never told him what went wrong.
  5. Dave put his phone in the microwave when he got bad news.
  6. John Stamos (Justin Gaston) fully believed himself to be washed up by his early 20s.
  7. John was an Elvis fan.
  8. Bob was a morning talk show host.
  9. Dave answered the phone doing impressions. There was no line between real life and Full House, basically.
  10. John was “the sincere guy.”
  11. In auditions, the kids trying out for Michelle ran rampant around the green room, because stage moms are notoriously laid back and chill.
  12. The Olsen twins (Blaise and Kinslea Todd/ Calla and Tyla Jones/ Kylie and Jordan Armstrong) weren’t even trying to get cast.
  13. Candace Cameron (Shelby Armstrong/ Brittany Wilson) was “only okay” in her first audition, but she seized the day, tried again, and had the casting team in the palm of her hand.
  14. Real life had the same musical score as the show.
  15. His first day on set, Bob suggested going in an edgy new direction and making Danny Tanner a clean freak.
  16. “Bob’s superpower is monogamy.”
  17. John tried to get Olsen twins fired. This is true, and so the entire movie is true with it.
  18. Bob didn’t get into comedy to be POPULAR.
  19. John dated Lori Loughlin (Stephanie Bennett) before the show.
  20. Bob and his wife Sherri (Juliana Wimbles) repeatedly referred to their own home as a “full house” with no more than the normal amount of self-loathing.
  21. Bob used the phrase “tiny thespians.”
  22. Bob said, “I’m a sexual athlete, Dave, not a fortune teller. You know that.”
  23. Bob used finger guns in the house.
  24. Bob.
  25. John dated Paula Abdul but was “meh” about it.
  26. A question earnestly asked around the set: “Wouldn’t it be great it real life were more like Full House?”
  27. Jodie Sweetin (Dakota Guppy/ Jordyn Ashley Olson) could really keep time on the bongos.
  28. The men had whipped cream fights backstage.
  29. John stepped on Rebecca Romijn’s (Ashley Diana Morris) dress but didn’t rip it. Crisis averted.
  30. The show was canceled with only an episode of warning, prompting even the cynics (Bob) to realize that maybe being on a hit series wasn’t all bad.
  31. D.J.’s prom dress was black.
  32. Scott Weinger (Alexander Kambolis) didn’t look remotely like Aladdin.
  33. John did not change his hairstyle until 1996.
  34. Bob gave a Danny Tanner talk at Candace’s wedding.
  35. No one recited the lyrics to the theme song when things got emotional.

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The Unauthorized Full House Story

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