Basically, 'The Rock vs. Godzilla & King Kong & Wolfman'

By Darren Franich
Updated June 23, 2015 at 11:59 PM EDT
Credit: Midway; Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images

Did you see San Andreas? I saw San Andreas. And I quite enjoyed it. It’s fun to see Dwayne Johnson fly, drive, speedboat, and swim his way through collapsing cities. But if you’re like me, then as you left the theater, you thought to yourself: “Man, that movie would’ve been a lot better if, instead of an earthquake, the cities were getting destroyed by a giant gorilla, a giant lizard, and a giant wolfman.”

Well, you’re in luck, weirdo! Because as of today, the hardest working action man in show business has confirmed his participation in the bigscreen adaptation of Rampage, the beloved ’80s arcade game starring King Kong George the Generic Gorilla, Godzilla Lizzie the Vaguely Defined Lizard, and the Wolfman Ralph the Non-Specific Trademark Un-infringing Werewolf.

As first reported by Deadline, the Rampage movie will reunite Johnson with Beau Flynn and New Line, the producer and company behind San Andreas. I know you’re probably thinking, “The only thing that could make this news better is if the script is by one of the guys who wrote the Liam Neeson airplane movie,” so you’ll be happy to hear that the script is by Ryan Engle of Non-Stop fame.

The Rampage film is currently slated to film next summer, presumably with an eye toward a 2017 release. Johnson now has a release slate that rivals Marvel for sheer output: Next year brings a Journey sequel, the buddy action-comedy Central Intelligence, and his role as a lead voice in Disney’s Moana, followed presumably by the next Furious film, the villain role of Shazam! and the remake of Big Trouble in Little China.

I don’t know why I’m talking so much about Johnson’s other movies, when we have confirmation that he is going to star in a movie with giant monsters who punch buildings into rubble. That was the entire plot of the original Rampage, an addictive and curiously difficult Midway game from the golden age of video arcades. In the game, you actually played as George, Lizzie, and/or Ralph, three humans transformed into monstrosities. While you ate people and leveled cityscapes, you got attacked by soldiers, tanks, helicopters, policemen, trolley cars, and toasters.

Lacking any information to the contrary, we must assume that Johnson is playing a dishonorable discharged Special Forces veteran who tries making ends meet for his schoolteacher wife (Maria Bello) and curiously objectified daughter (Nicola Peltz) by working as a trolley-car operator…until the giant lizard ape werewolves start attacking his city…and he needs to drive a tank and fly a helicopter and ultimately defeat the monsters with a chaingun that fires toasters instead of bullets.