Silicon Valley: Read every card on the 'Let Blaine Die' board

[SPOILER ALERT: This story contains plot points from the latest episode of Silicon Valley, which aired last night.]

You can stop laughing, cringing, and screaming, “No!!! Don’t turn around!!!” now.

Sunday night’s episode of Silicon Valley, “Homicide,” featured one of the HBO comedy’s best moments of the season, as Dinesh (Kumail Nanjiani) and Gilfoyle (Martin Starr) craftily contorted a SWOT matrix—a corporate method of determining the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats of a decision—into something amazingly disturbed and absurd.

After trying to alert Homicide stuntman/horrible person Blaine (Dustin Milligan) to a fatally flawed math error in his calculations for his building-jumping feat, only to be rudely brushed off, our Pied Piper programmers dedicated their time to evaluating—in great detail—the pros and cons of keeping their mouths shut and letting Blaine meet his fiery death. Factoring into their analysis: Dinesh’s lust for Homicide event manager Gina (Porter Lynn), Blaine’s girlfriend. (Sample strength: “Blaine’s last moment is realizing face is gone.” Sample opportunity: “Grief threesome with Gina and Blaine’s hot mom?”)

The biting scene elevated to watch-through-your-fingers level when Blaine entered the room—in which the boys had constructed a “Let Blaine Die” SWOT board on the wall—and started to genuinely apologize for his awful behavior, while Dinesh and Gilfoyle were nervously praying that he wouldn’t turn around and see their evil work directly behind him. But turn he did, cranking the knob of awkwardness all the way up until it broke off.

“We just liked the idea of applying this cold, clinical business decision making process to something that is completely absurd, like whether you should let a guy die or not,” says executive producer Alec Berg of the SWOT plot, noting its common usage in the business world. The show’s writers—led by co-executive producers Dan O’Keefe and Clay Tarver—were tasked with coming up with a pile of strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats, some of which are called out in the dialogue and many others of which can be spotted on the wall. “We were kicking that around a lot,” says executive producer Mike Judge. “We had the ones that were in the script, but we wanted to fill all the index cards. There’s a bunch of funny ones that you probably never see.”

Let’s fix that problem right now. The Silicon Valley producers shared with EW all 46 entries on the SWOT matrix (some of which are NSFW). In case you didn’t quite catch the grid in all of its wicked glory, we present the complete list of every strength, weakness, opportunity, and threat involved in the decision whether or not to allow an a-hole of a stuntman to go down in flames. Long live Blaine—or at least the Let Die Blaine board.

STRENGTHS

UGLY CAN CAR BLOOD SOAKED AND TOTALLED

BLAINE IS DEAD

BLAINE IS NO LONGER ALIVE

SAVES ASSHOLES FROM MAKING MISTAKES IN MATH

DEATH CAPTURED IN HIGH-RESOLUTION SLOW MOTION; HOLDS UP ON REPEATED VIEWINGS

ONE LESS GUY NAMED BLAINE

WEB TRAFFIC GOES VIRAL

BLAINE’S LAST MOMENT IS REALIZING HIS FACE IS GONE

AS A GIANT DOUCHE, BLAINE TORMENTED ETERNALLY IN HELL

A DEAD BLAINE IS A BLAINE THAT CAN’T REPRODUCE

BLAINE SHITS PANTS FROM FEAR, PANTS DISCOVERED UPON DEATH

SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT

IMPRESS HOT SATANIST CHICKS BY BOASTING ABOUT BLAINE’S DEATH (GILFOYLE ONLY)

AFTER HITTING BUILDING, FLAT BILL OF CAP MIGHT ACTUALLY BEND

WEAKNESSES

BLAINE DIES SUPER FAST

GINA MARRIES BLAINE IN HOSPITAL OUT OF GRIEF

GINA KILLS SELF OUT OF GRIEF

GINA ENTERS CONVENT OUT OF GRIEF

UNFORTUNATE WINDOW WASHERS MUST CLEAN BLOOD OFF BUILDING

BLAINE’S BLOOD HAS AIDS AND GETS ON KIDS

BLAINE DIES SLOW BUT WE CAN’T SEE IT BECAUSE ONLY FAMILY ALLOWED IN HOSPITAL

BUILDING IS STRUCTURALLY DAMAGED

BLAINE’S FUNERAL TELEVISED; PREEMPTS “STAR TREK: TNG” MARATHON

PEOPLE WEAR T-SHIRTS WITH BLAINE’S FACE ON THEM

OPPORTUNITIES

GINA NEEDS CONSOLING

F— GINA?

BIRDS GET TO EAT PIECES OF BLAINE

CARBON FOOTPRINT REDUCED BY ONE BLAINE

GRIEF THREESOME WITH GINA & BLAINE’S HOT MOM?

BLAINE’S ORGANS HARVESTED FOR HOT GIRLS WITH CANCER WHO THEN GRATITUDE-F— US

DEFECATING ON BLAINE’S GRAVE

DIGGING UP BLAINE’S GRAVE, DISHONORING REMAINS AGAIN

DEATH LEADS TO REGULATIONS ON STUNT INDUSTRY – LIVES SAVED

DISHONORING BLAINE’S REMAINS BY PUTTING FUNNY HAT ON BODY, DRAGGING IT BEHIND CAR

URINATING ON BLAINE’S GRAVE

TAKE HIS WALLET AND SHOES IF NOT TOO BLOODY

MASTURBATING ON BLAINE’S GRAVE

EJACULATION

THREATS

AFTER THIS, NOTHING IS EVER AS MUCH FUN AGAIN

VENGEFUL BLAINE SUPPORTERS ACCUSE US OF CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE

OVER TIME GINA BECOMES MORE CLINGY AND LESS HOT

PEOPLE FIND OUT AND IN YOUTUBE DEATH VIDEO, WE GET FLAMED IN THE COMMENTS SECTION

GUILT (DINESH ONLY)

WE CAN ONLY WATCH HIM DIE ONCE

INVESTIGATION AND TRIAL SETS BACK PIED PIPER BUILD

PHILZ COFFEE CLOSES FOR A DAY TO HONOR BLAINE’S MEMORY

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  By Dan Snierson