By James Hibberd
Updated February 19, 2015 at 12:00 PM EST
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Credit: Greg Gayne/CBS

The pilot was called “Most Chicks Won’t Eat Veal.” So pretty much from the very start, you knew CBS’ Two and a Half Men wasn’t going to be a well-behaved comedy. Tonight marks the final epiosde ever of TV’s longest-running live-action sitcom. So instead of presenting the innuendo-packed show’s finest moments or funniest scenes, let’s just embrace the Men spirit and present the dirtiest-sounding episode titles. I’ve attempted to rank these from the least clever/intriguing to the most (and in case you’re wondering, tonight’s finale has a rather non-dirty title — “Of Course He’s Dead”).

20. “Prostitutes and Gelato” (2007)

19. “Can You Feel My Finger?” (2004)

18. “If They Do Go Either Way, They’re Usually Fake” (2003)

17. “Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank” (2013)

16. “Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy” (2012)

15. “Rough Night in Hump Junction” (2008)

14. “The Straw In My Donut Hole” (2012)

13. ​ “Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark” (2005)

12. “Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak” (2011)

11. “I Scream When I Pee” (2012)

10. “Twanging Your Magic Clanger” (2010)

9. “The Two Finger Rule” (2009)

8. “A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise” (2005)

7. “Clockwise in Back Hole Until Tight” (2014)

6. “Hookers, Hookers, Hookers” (2010)

5. “Not In My Mouth” (2012)

4. “If My Hole Could Talk” (2008)

3. “Just Once with Aunt Sophie” (2006)

2. “You Do Know What the Lollipop’s For” (2012)

And finally, the top choice…

1. “A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On” (2005)

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