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While Last Week Tonight is on hiatus till 2015, John Oliver couldn’t resist showing up on the Internet to talk about one of the year’s worst holidays.

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Oliver totally understands the inanity that is New Year’s Eve, especially for anyone who has ever needed to use the bathroom while waiting for the damned ball to drop in Times Square.

“New Year’s Eve is the worst. It combines three of the least pleasant things known to mankind: Forced interaction with strangers, being drunk, cold and tired, and having to stare at Ryan Seacrest for five solid minutes, waiting for him to tell you what the time is,” Oliver lamented.

Oliver runs down a list of tips to get out of various New Year’s Eve scenarios, and it involves avoiding people by telling them all about the cleanse that no one wants to hear about. Sorry, Goop—no one cares about your cleanse team.

Last Week Tonight With John Oliver
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