November 28, 2014 at 05:00 AM EST

”The band Ylvis, who wrote ‘What Does the Fox Say?,’ has released a new song about gluten intolerance. It’s called ‘What Does the Fox Never Shut Up About?”’ —Seth Meyers on Late Night

”Ugh, the Ibiza gang just checked in at the foam party.” —Kevin 2 (Dan Bucatinsky), missing his usual Thanksgiving festivities, on Marry Me
”Kevin, will you let it go? We’ll find some other way to get pinkeye.” —Kevin 1 (Tim Meadows)

”That doesn’t make us friends. It just makes us both at risk for the same STDs.” —Mellie (Bellamy Young), revealing she knows Elizabeth (Portia de Rossi) is sleeping with her lover, on Scandal

”I stayed in the competition by the skin of my teeth. And my teeth don’t even have skin.” —Oona, narrowly avoiding elimination, on MasterChef Junior

”Now I’m condemned to this life of jumpsuits.” —Effie (Elizabeth Banks) in The Hunger Games: MockingjayPart 1

”Wil Wheaton said, ‘Get a gate.’ I don’t know why I didn’t get a gate.” —LeVar Burton, when Sheldon (Jim Parsons) arrives on his doorstep, on The Big Bang Theory

”Oh, Mindy’s got the same neck massager as Ma!” —Danny (Chris Messina), finding Mindy’s (Mindy Kaling) vibrator, on The Mindy Project

”I’m going to do things to you that your mother wouldn’t approve of. If she came in here now, she’d be like, ‘Jessica, what are you doing? Get off of that young man. We’re a God-fearing family.”’ —Stuart (Stephen Merchant), attempting dirty talk, in Hello Ladies: The Movie

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