By Teresa Jue
November 17, 2014 at 12:00 PM EST
Angela Weiss/Getty

As you’re probably well aware, The New York Times’ T Magazine recently caught up with Willow and Jaden Smith, and it got weird.

Spewing aphorisms on controlling time, prana energy, and the futility of school, the siblings Smith (who are both promoting upcoming albums) proved that they’ve essentially become holograms of themselves, and only making it harder for us to distinguish between the parodies of themselves and the truth. Based on the Q&A alone, it’s hard to tell whether the progeny of the Fresh Prince and Fish Mooney are kidding or if they really seem to think they are living and breathing incarnates of Kierkegaard.

1. Willow Smith can control time

Willow Smith seemed to think of herself as a modern day Doctor Who, with this gem of a line: “I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.”

2. Willow Smith is the only novelist Willow Smith likes.

Fed up by the lack of novels out in the world (guess she hasn’t checked out EW’s gallery of 50 books every kid should read), Willow said she took it upon herself to entertain her literary side: “There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing.”

“Willow’s been writing her own novels since she was 6,” Jaden added.

3. ‘They remember. Babies remember’

Jaden and Willow Smith are basically baby whisperers:

JADEN: When babies are born, their soft spots bump: It has, like, a heartbeat in it. That’s because energy is coming through their body, up and down.

WILLOW: Prana energy.

JADEN: It’s prana energy because they still breathe through their stomach. They remember. Babies remember.

4. School is not real.

Jaden and Willow go to the school of life, man.  Jaden had this to say on the institution, which as we already know, is not really his forte: “Here’s the deal: School is not authentic because it ends. It’s not true, it’s not real. Our learning will never end. The school that we go to every single morning, we will continue to go to.”

5. Driver’s ed is failing us all.

Jaden Smith, provoking the DMV since 2014: “You never learn anything in school. Think about how many car accidents happen every day. Driver’s ed? What’s up? I still haven’t been to driver’s ed because if everybody I know has been in an accident, I can’t see how driver’s ed is really helping them out.”

6. Jaden wants to be ‘the craziest person of all time.’

When asked on whether this new music was a continuation of past work, Jaden said, “I’m going to imprint myself on everything in this world.” He also added this goal, which might be safe to say has already been achieved: “I have a goal to be just the most craziest person of all time.”