By Jonathon Dornbush
October 31, 2014 at 05:10 PM EDT
  • TV Show

There’s no denying it: Benedict Cumberbatch’s Sherlock Holmes is the object of affection for just about anyone who watches BBC’s Sherlock, whether its Molly’s unrequited love on the show itself or the legion of Tumblr fans who turn every wink, smirk, and step into a GIF-able moment.

But for all the love Holmes receives, he hasn’t exactly returned the favor. More bluntly, Holmes has never had sex on the show. Not with an actual proposed love interest, nor with Watson, to the dismay of all “Johnlock” fans. But while viewers shouldn’t expect a Sherlock sex scene anytime soon, Cumberbatch recently discussed what Sherlock would be like in bed—and readers may need a cigarette after some of his comments.

Speaking with Elle UK, Cumberbatch described how the detective would approach a sexual encounter, and it’s pretty much exactly how you would expect Sherlock to do it. First, he would prep almost as if it were a science experiment. But that’s not all too surprising considering Sherlock’s particular nature.

“I’d do a little experiment to do with durability, length, girth, and um, strength,” Cumberbatch said. “And um, I would probably take a lot of vitamin supplements to make sure that I could perform, and had had my sleep, and probably not had many cigarettes. Or drink, for that matter. Not that he does drink.”

All the foreprep and planning made the interviewer question whether Sherlock would actually have any enthusiasm then for the actual act. And Cumberbatch responded with a fully thought out and specific answer. Something tells me he’s thought about this before… a lot.

“And then I would be devastating,” he said. “I’d know exactly how to please a woman, I’d know exactly where to put my fingers, where to put my tongue, where to put my – his I should say – his fingers, his tongue. Think about violinists, think about what they can do with their fingers.”

Because, of course, Sherlock would be perfect in bed and handle the entire affair with the mindset of a musician. Or maybe Cumberbatch just wanted to prove he is sexy enough to play the character after the BBC’s initial hesitation.

Cumberbatch goes on to describe more than just that, though—and it’s enough to make just about anyone blush.

Unfortunately, the Sherlock faithful shouldn’t expect anything along the lines of what Cumberbatch described to happen in season four. When the interview suggests she would like to see that scene, the actor replied, “You never will. It’s not that kind of a program, is it?”

Cumberbatch also went on to talk about Sherlock’s relationships with Irene Adler and Molly, and there’s enough material between both pieces of his interview to spawn several hundred pages of fan fiction.

Episode Recaps

Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman star in the celebrated U.K. series
  • TV Show
  • 4
  • 01/19/14
  • In Season
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