Lauren Ambrose stars as outlaw Belle Gatlin Barlowe — a sharpshootin', smart-talkin' dame who takes on a crooked local bank — in Nicholas Sparks' first-ever TV project, ''Deliverance Creek'', premiering Sept. 13 at 8 p.m. on Lifetime. Wondering which touchstones of the Sparks canon to expect in this Civil War-era Western? Here's your checklist!

By Jason Clark
Updated September 05, 2014 at 04:00 AM EDT

1. Are There Any Beach Romps?
Nights in Rodanthe
Since this is set in the rural South, that would be a no. And the movie’s cinematography is so dark and murky, you’d be hard-pressed to even see a beach if it were there.

2. Is Someone A Widow Or A Widower?
Message in a Bottle
Belle is told her husband is dead, though it’s never explained how he died. We’re going to assume he drowned fording a river or succumbed to dysentery.

3. Does A Man Clench A Woman’s Face And Gaze Adoringly At Her?
Safe Haven
It happens twice to Belle: once with sheriff/secret love Nate (CSI: Miami’s Wes Ramsey), then later with first love Toby (True Blood’s Riley Smith). Vixen!

4. Is There An ’80s Or ’90s Actor In A Small Role That Makes You Wonder Where The Hell They’ve Been (À La Henry Thomas)?
Dear John
Everyone’s favorite Johnny Depp doppelgänger, Skeet Ulrich (Scream), drops in for a “special guest star” visit.

5. Does A Woman Cry? A Lot?
A Walk to Remember
Belle’s sister (Caitlin Custer) has a brief sob, and Belle gets a touch of the wet-eye, but more in a Gone With the Wind “as God is my witness” kind of way.

6. Is There A Rain-Soaked Make-Out?
The Notebook
There is not a single drop of precipitation in the entire movie. A wasted opportunity, if you ask us.