By Samantha Highfill
July 24, 2014 at 07:02 PM EDT

Turning E. L. James’ bestseller Fifty Shades of Grey into a movie has been 50 shades of complicated, with issues ranging from trying to find the perfect Christian Grey—Matt Bomer? Charlie Hunnam?—to deciding what the film should be rated. But after a large amount of teasing (which would infuriate Christian), the first trailer for the highly anticipated film has finally arrived. Starring Dakota Johnson as Anastasia and Jamie Dornan as Christian, the trailer takes us into the couple’s first meeting, first kiss, and first, well, you know. So what do you say we dissect every inch of this trailer like we’re the dominant and it’s the submissive? (Too far?)

We open on a very timid Ana on her way to interview the mysterious Christian Grey, CEO and (secret) sex machine. As fans of the book know, Ana is interviewing Mr. Grey for the newspaper. She doesn’t usually do this type of thing, hence her scared expression, but she’s filling in for her roommate, Kate Kavanagh.

Welcome to Grey Enterprises, where the walls are white (and lined with secrets), and the secretaries are hot.

Our first glimpse of Christian is of his back as he looks out the wall of windows in his fancy office. And yes, he’s wearing a grey suit and a grey tie. The man understands his role in all of this, clearly.

But this image begs the question: Did the movie decide to eliminate the part where Ana trips and falls into his office and he picks her up? Or perhaps his back is what throws her off balance in the first place. After all, sexy shoulder blades and balance do not go together.

Let this mark Ana’s first longing look of the trailer. He’s just so pretty.

Is this the big screen version of his palm twitching?! Considering this shot of his finger moving comes at the time when Ana’s voiceover calls him “intimidating,” it’s probably a safe bet.

Boom. Our first clear shot of Christian’s face as he tells Ana that he is in fact looking at her. His eyes might not be the perfect shade of grey, but at least we can all understand why her face is so flushed. (But is it out of fear?)

After the interview, Christian helps Ana get her coat back on before leaving her with one final look. In the book, this also marks the moment that they first call each other by their first names. Yeah, their relationship moves quickly.

You know the old saying: First comes the interview, then comes the photo shoot, then comes a contract between a dominant and a submissive. Haven’t heard that one? Either way, this marks phase two of that little saying. See, Christian agrees to do a photo shoot (with photographer José) for the newspaper after he stops by Ana’s work to get some duct tape, rope, and you know, normal stuff.

Everyone say hello to Taylor, Christian’s driver, Ana’s personal shopper, and all-around nice guy.

After the shoot, Christian takes Ana to get some coffee/tea, where he utters this line: “I exercise control in all things, Miss Steele.” (She still has no idea what he’s talking about.)

As Christian put it in the book, “What is it about elevators?” Perhaps Shonda Rhimes can answer that question for him one day, but for now, we can enjoy the very passionate, very controlling first kiss between Christian and Ana, which occurs in a hotel elevator after Ana has a not-so-sober night that results in a not-so-happy Christian.

Christian Grey loves all sorts of toys and considering he’s a licensed pilot, it only makes sense that one of those toys is a helicopter so that he can fly Ana to Seattle and clue her in on his, er, dark side.

And they’re dancing. Spoiler: Christian is a great dancer. He’s also “incapable” of leaving Ana alone.

In Ana’s second clumsy moment, she nearly gets run over. Thank goodness her knight-in-a-silver-tie is there to save her.

But dancing and saving lives aren’t Christian’s only talents. He can also sing and play the piano, though he mostly does both in the dark of night when he’s brooding. Sometimes control freaks just need to play the piano and brood, you know?

And sometimes, control freaks need to hide their pretty faces in a hood and run away the anger they feel inside. He might be incapable of leaving Ana, but he warns her: “You should steer clear of me.” So he’s a conflicted control freak.

But more than anything, control freaks need to make sure no other men are touching and/or attacking their chosen women. In this case, we’re traveling back in time to Ana’s drunken night (pre-kiss) in which José makes an advance before Christian shows up unexpectedly.

Another control-freak trait: Notice who’s on top.

This is one of two things: It’s either Ana waking up from a dream she had of Christian, or it’s a look at her biggest pet peeve—the fact that Christian never “stays with her.”

Here we get our first glimpse of dinner with Christian’s family, complete with Ana’s roommate Kate and Christian’s brother Elliot.

But Christian doesn’t really care much for dinner. (He’s on a serious diet. Really, though.) He also doesn’t care too much for “romance.”

As Christian tells Ana that his tastes are “very singular,” we flash to him in his favorite pair of low-rise jeans as he sulks through the Red Room of Pain. See that look in his eye? That’s called desire.

The lip bite! It’s otherwise known as the thing that makes Christian’s palm twitch.

We knew he was a licensed pilot, but when did Christian fly a plane in the book?

Other than the Red Room jeans, Ana’s second favorite look for Christian is arguably the low-rise sweatpants (with no shirt, obviously).

After Ana asks Christian to “enlighten” her on his “singular interest,” he finally takes her behind the locked door.

“You couldn’t be obsessed with poetry or, I don’t know, baking?”

And now we get her braided hair—it’s easier to grab and less likely to get caught on things—and the first shot of Ana as a submissive.

Here, we’re either jumping back to their first night at the hotel, or we’re getting a shower scene. But remember, Ana isn’t allowed to touch Christian’s chest, because he’s damaged.

After a particularly unforgettable experience in the Red Room of Pain, Christian gives an exhausted Ana a lift back to the bedroom. Ah, romance.

Any questions?

And just in case you want to know how it all ends, here’s a GIF that pretty much sums up the trailer:

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