By C. Molly Smith
July 08, 2014 at 07:27 PM EDT
E!
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  • TV Show

In the introduction for the first episode of E!’s Botched, which premiered June 24, a narrator tells us that every year, nearly 15 million people get plastic surgery. Most of the time, things go as planned—but of course, there are a few exceptions. There are a few who get… cue title… botched. That’s where doctors Paul Nassif and Terry Dubrow—RHOC Heather’s husband—come in, specializing in revision plastic surgery.

Since you’ve been busy with Fourth of July activities and general summer fun, here are a handful of the delightful doctors’ patients, as seen on the first three episodes of Botched. As you might expect from a “medical” show, the following images may be slightly NSFW.

Justin, The Human Doll

Justin has had 132 plastic surgeries (you read that right), covering pretty much every area of his body. “I think of plastic surgery as art,” Justin said. “If everyone was doing what I’m doing, I would want to change everything again because I like setting myself apart and looking like my own individual and not being mistaken for anyone.” He certainly isn’t at risk of that—see photo above.

Justin came to Drs. Nassif and Dubrow with his self-designed abdominal implants in hopes of creating abs of steel. The pair ultimately turned him down as they felt it was excessive, but Dr. Dubrow was certainly fascinated. “He’s both Frankenstein and Dr. Frankenstein,” Dr. Dubrow said. “He’s his own creation.”

Alicia, Uniboob

Alicia had breast implants put in after giving birth to her son. The surgery, as the show’s title suggests, went terribly wrong, resulting in the uniboob. It is as it sounds: two breasts that are so big, the result of implants, that they have come together as one. Dubrow claimed the surgery to correct it would be one of, if not the, most difficult breast surgeries to perform. “On a scale of one to 10, this is a 12,” Dr. Dubrow said. But the surgery was a success, which her husband seconded: “Hopefully here soon I’ll get to check ’em out a little better.” Oh, men.

NEXT: Nip/tuck, repeat

Michelle, Six Nose Jobs

After a car accident, Michelle had a nose job to fix the damage, but her nose collapsed. “You couldn’t fit a toothpick in there,” Michelle said. (Which turns out to be the least disgusting thing said on the show.) So, she had another, and another, and another, ultimately having six nose jobs total. For her seventh, and final, nose job, she can thank Botched.

An aspiring actress, Michelle is held back by her plastic surgery gone wrong, claiming “I have the face for radio.” And everyone watching this show for guilty pleasure suddenly felt very bad about themselves.

Janice Dickinson (yes, the Janice Dickinson), Ripples Nipples

Janice Dickinson, a.k.a. the world’s first supermodel, appeared on Botched to replace her 30-year-old breast implants, which were about 20 years overdue for a change. “These implants being from the ’70s, who knows, we may take them out, put them down, there might be streaks of cocaine still left on them,” Dr. Dubrow quipped. But it turned out that the greatest complication was Janice just being herself. “Janice is the greatest patient… when she’s in a chemical coma,” Dr. Dubrow joked.

NEXT: Saving the best for last

Renee, Butt Gone Bad

One of our favorite patients, Renee had butt implants that were so poorly done, they were visible and could even be flipped over by hand… WHILE IN HER BUTT. One more time: You can literally see her implants being flipped over inside her butt. But sadly, the good docs ultimately decided not to take Renee as a patient, since she admitted to suffering from body dysmorphic disorder.

Kimber, 24 Surgeries

As her tagline suggests, Kimber James—the first transgender individual to sign with an adult agency—has had 24 surgeries. Not quite as may as Justin (still reeling from that one), but still impressive nonetheless. She came to the good Botched docs, who probably don’t call themselves that, hoping to get a nose job, breast reduction, and labiaplasty. The result: “I feel less pornified.”

Thank you, E!, for bringing this to our TV screens. Truly, thank you.

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