By JoJo Marshall
May 19, 2014 at 03:58 PM EDT

To answer your question, no — the fake movie trailer for Jay Z and Beyonce’s upcoming On The Run Tour does not involve Bey’s karate-kid sister Solange — but it does feature performances from Sean Penn, Don Cheadle, Guillermo Diaz, Emmy Rossum, Jake Gyllenhaal, Blake Lively, Rashida Jones and Kidada Jones. 

No way around it, last week’s elevator footage is still looming large. Despite the hefty production budget, high-gloss special effects and fun cameos, none of these moments quite matched the raw, black-and-white fury of Solange and her spike-heel talons.

But America’s First Couple do deliver lots of shiny guns, smokey strip clubs, desert getaways and, naturally, the Beygency’s fashion favorite: the lingerie-balaklava combo. (I really hope we start to see this look out in clubs. Up side: you never have to do your hair. Down side: you’d better double your crunches.)

Unfortunately Mr. and Mrs. Carter cut the daydream short by closing with the title card “COMING NEVER.” Surely Steven Soderbergh can cook up something for them?

UPDATED: There is now an actual petition going to make this into a full length movie. Never underestimate the BeyHive!