1. Hugh Jackman reveals that he sliced his inner thigh with Wolverine’s metal claws while filming nude scene
“Dude. Safety first,” offered Edward Swifferhands.
2. Willie Nelson’s old tour bus sells for more than $80,000
Sounds a little steep, but it had been retrofitted to run solely on Funyuns and bandanna sweat.
3. 47 people treated for asphyxia at One Direction concert in Peru
For those who don’t know, asphyxia is a condition resulting from a lack of oxygen or musical taste.
4. Animal Planet to air first horror movie, Blood Lake: Attack of the Killer Lampreys, starring Shannen Doherty, on May 25
The network greenlit it after the success of its first horror documentary, Puppy Bowl Aftermath: The Interns Clean Up the Field.
5. Adult-film stars blast Samuel L. Jackson for calling free porn hub RedTube one of the best pop culture achievements of the past 50 years, as they claim it encourages piracy
Jackson is planning to apologize to all porn stars, citing his duty to please that booty.
6. Shirtless man asks out L.A. reporter on live TV while she tries to interview him for wildfire story
Because sometimes you just don’t have time for the slow burn of Tinder.
7. Teen Mom 2‘s Jenelle Evans, who just got married 17 months ago, files for divorce
Enough already with these celebrity divorce stori —
8. Adriana Lima separates from husband
Except this one. Details, please. Does she need a shoulder to cry on?
9. Pharrell says that he gave No. 1 hit ”Happy” to CeeLo, but ”the powers that be at the time did not see it fit for him”
No word from CeeLo on this, but after checking this week’s charts, he was reported to be “Sad.”