Credit: Alan Gastelum; Frank Ockenfels 3/AMC

Hilarious human garbage disposal and legendary lazy boy Jim Gaffigan is returning to Comedy Central with a new stand-up special, Obsessed. There’s just one slight problem: Obsessed airs tonight at 10 p.m. opposite Mad Men. Make no mistake: He’s a fan of AMC’s acclaimed retro-series and, as a former copywriter, he knows the ad industry well. (“My favorite thing about Madison Avenue,” he notes, “is that there’s a gyro truck on 53rd and Madison.”) But he’s here to sell Americans on his third Comedy Central special (“I’m breaking the mold and this time I’m talking about food,” he deadpans), and if that means taking down his biggest competitor, so be it. Below, Gaffigan presents to readers the 10 reasons why people should choose to watch his stand-up showcase, which contains jokes about donuts and underwear, over Mad Men, a nuanced character study that has won the Emmy for Outstanding Drama Series four times.

1. “Instead of a show that focuses on a bunch of people that overdrink, you can watch a special about someone who overeats.”

2. “Don Draper is an adulterer, while I write all of my material with my wife, Jeannie Gaffigan.”

3. “I talk about my five children, who are too young to be as emotionally damaged as Sally.”

4. “Peggy won’t be put in awkward situations during my special.”

5. “Lane hanged himself in the office whereas I am just slowly eating myself to death.”

6. “Just DVR Mad Men — that way you can fast-forward through those annoying promos for AMC’s arm-wrestling show. And there’s a greater likelihood of seeing an ExtenZe commercial on Comedy Central.”

7. “My set list is indistinguishable from my grocery list. That has nothing to do with Mad Men — I just wanted to bring that up.”

8. “I talk about hot dogs, whereas Mad Men is just created by some guy named Matthew Weiner.”

9. “You know Don’s not going to do the title sequence fall-out-of-the-building thing in this episode anyway.”

10. “I am paler than Joan. And have larger breasts.”

He makes a compelling case for Obsessed, no? Before Gaffigan goes head-to-head with Mad Men, watch this preview clip from the special, in which he takes on an even more fearsome opponent: kale.