By Darren Franich
February 13, 2014 at 04:30 PM EST

You may have noticed that snow is falling, like, everywhere. In cities. In the countryside. On cedars. It’s a snow day! Well, not for us grown-ups, who have to go to work and pay the bills and do laundry and wake up every morning barely even recognizing the face we see in the mirror. But for kids, today is one of those magical days when the universe decides that school is canceled. To mark this special occasion, a pair of administrators at Durham Academy in North Carolina created a snow day announcement video. Or rather, “music video,” since they rewrote Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby.” Sample line: “Polar Vortex has a hold of us tightly/Wind like a harpoon daily and nightly.” So, yes, their lyrics are better than Vanilla Ice’s. Check it out below:

Obviously this is an impressive feat, but it seem strange that an educational facility would deliver this message in such a lowbrow fashion. To correct this oversight, the following is a new Snow Day Announcement set to the tune of a vintage hip-hop track: DJ Jazzy James Joyce’s The Dead.

Yes, the twitter feed was right: snow was general all over America. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly on the Bog of Brooklyn and, farther eastward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Long Island waves. It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Shia LaBeouf’s career lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, on the spears of the little gate, on the barren thorns. His soul swooned softly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.