Kristen Stewart: Read her 'embarrassing' poem

Of course Kristen Stewart writes moody, thesaurus-happy poetry. Of course. Slightly more surprising: The fact that the erstwhile Bella Swan read one of her poems aloud to Marie Claire, and allowed the magazine to republish it for its latest cover story.

Marie Claire writes that Stewart penned this particular piece about a year ago — not long after the Twilight saga was finished for good — while driving through Texas with a friend. (As one might guess from her love of Jack Kerouac, Stewart’s a big fan of road trips.) Before reading it for her interviewer, the actress reportedly said something very Stewartian — “Oh, my God, it’s so embarrassing. I can’t believe I’m doing this” — but she also seems to be pretty proud of her poetic endeavors: “I don’t want to sound so fucking utterly pretentious … but after I write something, I go, ‘Holy f—, that’s crazy,'” she tells the magazine. “It’s the same thing with acting: If I do a good scene, I’m always like, ‘Whoa, that’s really dope.'”

And so, without further ado, here is the poem in question:

My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole

I reared digital moonlight

You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black

Kismetly … ubiquitously crest fallen

Thrown down to strafe your foothills

…I’ll suck the bones pretty.

Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps

Spray painted everything known to man,

Stream rushed through and all out into

Something Whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck

Through our windows boarded up

He hit your flint face and it sparked.

And I bellowed and you parked

We reached Marfa.

One honest day up on this freedom pole

Devils not done digging

He’s speaking in tongues all along the pan handle

And this pining erosion is getting dust in

My eyes

And I’m drunk on your morsels

And so I look down the line

Your every twitch hand drum salute

Salutes mine …

So much to unpack here! “I reared digital moonlight,” for example, must be a reference to werewolves. “I’ll suck the bones pretty” has “vampire” written all over it. And everything after that, I’m guessing, is actually about Robert Pattinson and/or slip-on sneakers.

Think Stewart’s words are silly or pretentious? If so, she couldn’t really give a hoot: “I stand by every mistake I’ve ever made, so judge away,” the actress tells Marie Claire. She also shrugs off all the guff she’s gotten over the years for looking sullen or uncomfortable during promotional appearances. “I’m just not very good on TV, and it’s not my main goal in life to get good at it,” explains Stewart. “People are like, ‘She just can’t handle’ — for lack of a better word — ‘the spotlight.’ No, actually, I can’t, and that is totally who I am. I love being an actor, but I’m the last person to want to have a birthday party. I don’t try to force it or turn it into something else or fabricate this personality … so I totally agree when people say I’m, like, the most awkward person.” In short: “If you’re operating from a genuine place, then you can’t really regret anything.”

Huh. Suddenly I feel kinda bad about that “werewolves” line.