Lifetime's 'Gabby Douglas Story': A viewer's workout plan
Nothing goes better with a cheesy Lifetime biopic than, 1) actual cheese, and 2) wine — preferably, lots of it. But somehow, guzzling empty calories while watching tiny teenagers perform astonishing feats of athleticism just seems wrong… especially when one of those tiny teens is the real Gabby Douglas, who does stunt work for her celluloid doppelganger Imani Hakim in The Gabby Douglas Story. (The film’s competition scenes also feature actual footage of Douglas’s professional triumphs.)
The solution? Instead of watching Gabby in awe and envy while you stuff your face, take the film’s debut as an opportunity to get your sweat on. Its subject material is the perfect inspiration — and its knack for hitting every stop along the inspirational TV movie highway make it perfect for a drinking-game-esque fitness routine. The rules, if you dare:
Every time someone says the word “dream”: Do a push-up
Every time someone says the word “work”: Do a sit-up
Every time someone says the word “hard”: Do a jumping-jack
Every time Gabby speaks in voiceover about working hard to achieve her dream: Hold a plank until she’s done
Every time someone calls a leotard a “leo”: Do a squat
Every time Gabby’s scrunchie matches her leo: Do a lunge. Remember to switch off legs!
Every time somebody faces adversity: Do a leg lift
Every time Regina King defines “metaphor” as “a reminder to follow your dreams”: Roll your eyes all the way into the back of your head. This counts as exercise
Every time you wonder why Regina King doesn’t get more work: Ponder her career in downward-facing dog
Every time there’s a training montage: Do high-knee jogs until it’s over
Every time there’s slo-mo: Slooooowly reach down to your toes, articulating each of your vertebrae in turn, then snap up into your best “I totally stuck that landing” diva pose
Every time a blond girl says something bitchy to Gabby: Make this face
Every time there’s a shot of Regina King/Gabby’s vision board: Let out a hearty, ab-toning laugh, because how goofy are vision boards?
And finally, when a closing message reveals how Gabby actually did in the 2012 London Olympics: Collapse on the couch with a big glass of something cold and a large chunk of night cheese. You earned it!