The Bachelor Wedding 02
Credit: Todd Wawrychuk/ABC

First came love, then came being rejected in front of millions, then came dating 25 women in search for the right one, then came proposing to Catherine in Thailand, and THEN came marriage (on live TV). Welcome, rose lovers, to the Four Seasons Biltmore in Santa Barbara, where we just witnessed Sean and Catherine’s we-finally-get-to-have-sex wedding day!

We first caught up with the giggly couple 100 days before the ceremony, as Sean and Catherine drove to their new home in Dallas. During the 72-hour road trip, Catherine introduced the theme of their ceremony: Grown sexy. As far as she was concerned, everything about this day needed to have an element of sexy. Did I mention that these two had been saving themselves for marriage? Basically, Catherine was looking for an outlet for her (totally understandable) sexual frustration, which meant working sexiness into absolutely everything, from her Monique Lhuillier gown to the flowers and, obviously, the honeymoon. As she explained “grown sexy” to Sean, it meant mature, but with subtle touches of sex. Think Robin Thicke (which I don’t think was what she meant, considering the lack of “subtlety” surrounding that name). And as she put it to their wedding planner, she wanted every one her guests to feel so sexy that they would go home and “conceive that night,” a comment that made me fall head-over-heels for Catherine. But that’s enough sexiness … for the next 30 seconds.

After the couple asked Sean’s father to officiate the wedding, a moment that was truly touching to watch, things — surprise! — once again got sexy. Sean went shopping for some lingerie, a segment I recommend every person to watch. Between him describing Catherine as “a chesty woman,” and his reaction to the saleswoman using the term “easy access,” I could not have been more amused. A few silky bras and a garter later, Sean was ready to give Catherine her “gift.” The two giggled at the thought of finally having sex, but at the end of the day, Catherine was ready for it. Sean, trying to have a sentimental moment, told her that she’s his “best friend,” to which she quickly interrupted by adding “and soon-to-be LOVER.” She had her eye on the prize, and quite honestly, I respected it. Although I will admit that the “honeymoon suite cam” in the corner of my screen really worried me. Thankfully, the “honeymoon suite cam” never went further than watching someone make the bed. *Wipes brow*

Before the ceremony, the couple shared one last interview with Chris Harrison, where Catherine called herself Sean’s “barnacle” and they made more sex jokes, this time with threesome undertones. But what really caught my eye during this entire show was the “Live” camera in the corner of my screen, where guests were arriving. I don’t know about you all, but I was really hoping to see all of the awkward conversations happening between ex-contestants at the wedding. I love Sean and Catherine, but what are Molly and Desiree really talking about? More importantly, what’s Ryan up to?!

Finally, it was time for the wedding! My first thought: How hot are those cellists?! Second thought: How many people are in their bridal party?! Third thought: Are they making Sean wait to see Catherine so they can fit in a commercial break?! Fourth thought: How long is that aisle?! Fifth thought: Aww, Sean’s crying! Yep, as soon as Catherine was in sight, Sean was in tears, and it was adorable. I’m not sure why she chose to walk down the aisle to Michael Jackson’s “Human Nature,” but to each their own, I suppose.

Once the couple finally joined hands, Sean’s father started the ceremony. The couple exchanged personalized vows that were cuter than possibly anything I’d ever heard — Catherine’s included words such as “you were like a light to my bug” and “love sprinkles” — before Sean was finally able to kiss his bride! As Mr. and Mrs. Sean Lowe walked down the aisle, Catherine’s hubby finally let go of all the emotions he’d been holding in. He sobbed as they walked out of view of their guests. Sean told his wife that he’d missed her all day, and my heart just about exploded. Could they be any more genuine?!

All in all, it was a perfect night. Sure, I would’ve like a little more drama — remember when Trista thought Ryan had walked out? — and every time I watch a wedding, I pray for someone to reference “twue wuv,” but other than that, I only had one complaint: Where was Roberto?!

Now, it’s time for the happy couple to get freaky on the dance floor… and then get freaky off the dance floor as Catherine reminded us earlier during their hike. So, enjoy it kids! Sean, I hope you like Catherine’s sexy photos (which only you will see), but more than anything, I sincerely hope someone shut off the camera in the honeymoon suite.

What was your favorite wedding moment Bachelor fans? And who else is outraged that we don’t get to go to the reception?! I had my champagne ready and everything. Sound off in the comments!

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