Credit: Bob Mahoney/The CW
When the Saints Go Marching In
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Considering that one very important theme of this episode was confession, I thought it was only fitting that I join in. Unlike Rebekah, my confession has nothing to do with lying, betraying, or conspiring against my own blood, but it has everything to do with siding with the “bastard brother.” Right about now, I have as many feels as Klaus did in that final scene. If I could do the single tear thing right about now, I would.

But alas, I am not Klaus, even though I find myself loving him more and more with each passing week. So forgive me, Father, for I have sinned… if sinning means siding with Klaus and having dirty thoughts about Elijah and a bathtub. Then again, if that’s the case, I sin pretty much every Tuesday. Let’s dive in!

At breakfast, Rebekah kept her opinions about Klaus biting Elijah to herself while he said things like “poppycock” and exhibited that something was “fundamentally wrong” with him. So as the bastard brother enjoyed a Bloody Mary — literally — Elijah was busy apologizing to Hayley for being sick (hybrid-bite side effects). He was running a temperature, and yet was still wearing a long-sleeved crewneck. What was wrong with that picture?! He asked Hayley to leave him and find out more about the Bible she discovered, but she refused. Needless to say, she was a fan of the crewneck.

Back in town, Marcel was gathering the troops and introducing them to Tyler for… story time! Ty gave them a full Hybrid 101 before Rebekah came to the party. She was on board with stopping Klaus from creating a superior species, but she didn’t care much for Tyler’s plan to stop the baby from being born. Just like that, the Original sister snapped Tyler’s neck and had her hunky leather-wearing boyfriend store him in the garden. She was on their team, but as she put it, their mission was stopping Klaus, not hurting the baby.

Away from the plotting, Klaus had Cami sitting behind Hemingway’s typewriter, writing up his memoirs about how everyone was against him. Everyone was out to get him; his daggers were missing; his life was so unfair. Blah blah. Cami had had enough. She called him out on repeating the same “destructive cycles.” “You are the architect of your own unhappiness,” she said. Take that, Niklaus! Thousand-year-old vamps aren’t the only poetic ones in this town. She told him he was too scared to trust, which Vampire Diaries fans have known for years now, amirite?

As Marcel and Rebekah prepped for battle, we found out that their plan was to put Klaus away for 52 years, one for each year he kept her daggered in the 1800s — and Marcel let him. In turn, Marcel would spend those 52 years apologizing to Rebekah. How many of you wanted to be Rebekah in that moment? *raises hand*

*Then puts down hand* because I quickly transitioned to wanting to be a woman named Celeste. Elijah’s hallucinations started, and the first one involved a beautiful witch named Celeste in a bathtub. Somehow Hayley seemed to see Elijah’s memory, but it only lasted a second before he woke up and proved why Hayley needs him around: Someone was watching them, and even a sick Elijah knew that.

Klaus, in a search for his daggers, got Joshua to get him some information. However, now that Joshua was under Marcel’s control, the young lad talked Klaus right into a trap. After meeting with Father Kieran to confess that he’d been compelling Cami, Klaus asked him to convince Cami to leave town. He could smell war in the air and didn’t want Cami to be an innocent victim. And he was right about one thing: War was brewing. Klaus headed over to Casa Marcel, where he was met with an army of vampires who stood against him, including his own sister. As Klaus put it, “evil bastard Klaus” needed to be punished by his own sibling. “How positively Biblical.”

Klaus placed a coin on the ground — this was a trick he got from Marcel’s days as a young boy, right? — and anyone who picked it up would pledge their allegiance to him. But when no one came forward, the battle began. Klaus was on the losing end at first, until the vamps strung him up and made him get all kinds of hybrid-level angry. The yellow eyes came out, and Klaus started smashing chains, breaking necks, and everything else lethal. Before Klaus could kill Marcel, Rebekah convinced her new boy toy to pick up the coin and submit. Just like that, Marcel pledged his allegiance to the almighty Mikaelson.

Out in the cabin in the woods, Elijah continued his flashbacks to his time in the 1800s with Celeste. There was kissing — of feet and lips — and, of course, there was Elijah trying to contain Klaus, who spent his afternoon dueling with random men and racking up quite the body count. Elijah warned him that his actions could catch their father’s attention, but Klaus had taken care of it. He’d blamed it on the witches. And just like that, Elijah realized Celeste was in mortal danger. He woke up and strangled Hayley before the lurker from the woods stabbed him in the back.

The lurker and her Katniss-like braid was named Eve. She told Hayley that Marcel killed most of their pack, and for those who were left, he got witches to reverse their nature, which meant they were wolves 98 percent of the time and only became human on a full moon. Eve had burned off her birthmark to remain safe. She told Hayley to keep hers covered before Elijah interrupted. He had finally healed and was ready to go home. But not so fast there, mister! Hayley wanted to know the end of Celeste’s story. Elijah showed her his memory: He had come home to find Celeste drowned in the bathtub that looked so sexy only moments ago. When Hayley went to hold his hand, he stopped her. He once loosened the reins on Klaus in the name of his own happiness, and Celeste paid the price. He can’t do it again. Now, Elijah’s one task is Klaus’ salvation. He still believes his brother can be fixed. Oh, Elijah! So moral and sexy and moral! Also, what good hands you have!

After accepting defeat, Marcel told Klaus he could reclaim his one-time home. However, he would never have Marcel’s kingdom, because loyalty cannot be bought or forced. It’s the one thing Klaus will never know. Perhaps I should’ve titled this react “Klaus got served.”

Finally reunited at home, Klaus revealed his true feelings to his siblings. He felt that with “every moment of tenderness” that Elijah shared with Hayley, he was stealing Klaus’ child. But as Rebekah reminded him, his fear of being left behind has no grounding in history. “We don’t abandon you, Nik. You drive us away.” But in the one moment they could’ve chosen to believe in Klaus, they stood with his enemies. So now, they can live alone and rot. He will be returning to their former home. And just before he left, he gave Elijah the one remaining dagger. Honorable mention: Joseph Morgan’s performance in this scene. That last look between Klaus and Elijah? Chills!

Klaus took Hayley with him as he left, considering the child is the only thing that matters to him at this point. And while we’re on the topic of children, Cami — who didn’t leave town — was concerned that she was going crazy like her brother did when he was young. But it turned out, her subconscious was sending her a message about Klaus. She had dug up an old photo from 1919 that featured both Klaus and Marcel. Looks like another blonde has been invited to the party of vampire knowledge! Welcome! P.S. watch your neck.

So what did you guys think of the episode? Are we still loving the Elijah-Hayley connection, or is it too weird? And who fell for Klaus’ heartbreaking story? At this point, I’m kind of team everyone. Sound off in the comments below!

Episode Recaps

When the Saints Go Marching In
The Originals

Joseph Morgan and Daniel Gillies star as Klaus and Elijah Mikaelson in this Vampire Dairies spin-off about the first family of vampires, their life in New Orleans, and the witches and werewolves who live there.

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