By James Hibberd
Updated November 16, 2013 at 08:01 PM EST

Under-siege actor Alec Baldwin has penned a lengthy earnest-sounding column for The Huffington Post detailing his perspective on his recent actions and subsequent media controversy that resulted in MSNBC yanking his talk show off the air.

Following his apparent use of an anti-gay slur against a photographer, the cable news network suspended Up Late on Friday for two weeks. Baldwin addressed…

Whether his show will return: “Whether the show comes back at all is at issue right now … The show is no doubt a work in progress and one that I believe featured some interesting guests and disseminated a good deal of interesting information. But if the show dies, its fate ends up being no different than the vast majority of start-up TV programming, and so be it.”

His apparent use of an anti-gay slur: “I never used the word [f—-t] in the tape recording being offered as evidence against me. What word is said right after the other choice word I use is unclear. But I can assure you, with complete confidence, that a direct homophobic slur (or indirect one for that matter) is not spoken … My friends who happen to be gay are baffled by this.”

The media and public reaction to his outburst: “Oddly, my foundation has donated over $11 million of a projected $15 million from revenue from my recent Capital One ads. Many people don’t know that and when informed actually find it hard to believe. But the assertion that I am a bigoted homophobe travels at light speed and, at least in the case of those who like their internet news without fact or reflection, is accepted, even cheered, without a moment of doubt.”

His battles with the paparazzi: “They provoke me, daily, by getting dangerously close to me with their cameras as weapons, hoping I will react. When I do, the weapon doubles as a device to record my reaction. And then, apparently, I lose every time. If quitting the television business, the movie business, the theatre, any component of entertainment, is necessary in order to bring safety and peace to my family, then that is an easy decision.”

Again, Baldwin’s full statement is here.