Justin Lubin/ABC
TV Show
Action Adventure
October 22, 2013 at 12:00 PM EDT

It’s that time again, mere mortals! Time to travel to a world in which superheroes exist, Agent Coulson is the funniest man alive, and “hacktivist” is a word. Let’s get to business.

Tonight’s episode of S.H.I.E.L.D. started in Hong Kong, where we met an average street performer. Well, we thought he was average until a woman named Rayna flirted him into using his greatest trick — a fireball in his hand! And after Rayna flirted her way up to his apartment, he told her all about his gift just before she had him kidnapped by some dudes in what looked like very dated silver suits. They ended up being aluminized clothing (a.k.a. fireproof). Clearly, I need to get my eyes checked.

Elsewhere, Skyward — ‘shipper name status! — was playing Battleship and being all too precious before the alarm went off letting them know that Chan Ho Win had been taken. Apparently, the magician gained his special powers after a nuclear plant near his house caught fire. Oh, and in case you were wondering, S.H.I.E.L.D. does in fact have an “index” full of super people that they monitor regularly. Did anyone else think of Orphan Black when this was mentioned?! Only, in this world your monitor didn’t look like Hot Paul, but rather agent Kwan, who informed Coulson and his team that they had been hacked … by The Rising Tide.

Skye was quick to defend herself and help the team track down the hacker behind all of this, a man named Miles living in Austin, Texas. But when Miles escaped Coulson’s car chase, he came home to find Skye in his apartment. Turned out that Miles was once Skye’s teacher … and lover. After all the love-making, Skye informed Miles that S.H.I.E.L.D. was off-limits considering she was on the inside and still had hold of her chip, which she keeps in her bra (Go find it, Ward!). But before she was able to put her shirt back on, she was face-to-face with one very pissed off Agent May.

Coulson had told May to follow Skye, and now that they had both Skye and Miles in custody, they took the hacktivist lovers back to the bus for some interrogation. As Coulson brooded about how being stabbed by an alien staff changed him and how he was the one who defended Skye when others warned him, FitzSimmons was busy finding something very interesting. It looked like pretty boy Miles wasn’t as big an advocate of free information for all as he seemed. He had sold his latest find for $1 million. When Ward presented this information to both Miles and Skye — old boyfriend, meet future boyfriend — they discovered that the company who took Win was none other than Centipede.

In Hong Kong, Centipede was well on its way to perfecting the serum we met earlier this season. You know, the one where people ended up exploding. Apparently, Win, who started going by Scorch because he was going to be a big superhero star, had fire-resistant blood platelets and was therefore the final ingredient needed to perfect the super-soldier serum. But when Coulson and May went to save Win, he’d already been tortured and decided he’d had enough. He killed his supervisor, Kwan, even though it burned his hands to do so. Scorch had gone rogue, or as he put it, was “burning bright.” The team needed help.

Skye and Miles were released in order to help. Ward took Skye on site, where Scorch caught up with the doctor who had tortured him. And in a moment I’ve been waiting for since that actress played the oh-so-annoying Lindsay on The O.C. and then showed up on Grey’s Anatomy solely to kill my George, I watched as Scorch burned her to death. That sounded much harsher than I intended, but I hope you get the point.

Unable to save Scorch, who had let the whole superhero-name thing go to his head, May and Coulson had no choice but to blow him up. No longer handcuffed, Miles used his skills to direct the blast up and out of the building, and the mission was semi-successful. Coulson then gave Miles a fancy bracelet that will monitor him and keep him away from electronic devices. He also gave Miles’ $1 million to Agent Kwan’s family as an anonymous donation. Then, before they dropped the boy from Austin off in the middle of Hong Kong, Skye and Miles parted ways.

Back on the move, Skye found her way up to Coulson’s office, where she handed over the chip from her bra. But she hadn’t been gathering information about S.H.I.E.L.D. She’d been gathering information about herself. She explained how her lifelong search had been to find out anything about her parents. The only thing she’d been able to find up to this point was a document from S.H.I.E.L.D. She vowed to never stop searching, and Coulson vowed to help. He then gave her a bracelet of her own. But wait, doesn’t he want her near electronic devices to help the team? Is there something about the bracelet that I missed?

And finally, we saw Rayna (who had left the doctor lady to burn) talking to a man in prison. She updated him on stage two, and then asked that he “touch base with the clairvoyant” for insight into stage three. He claimed the clairvoyant doesn’t like to be touched, but we all have to do things we don’t like sometimes, don’t we?

So that’s a wrap! Any guesses on the identity of said clairvoyant? And did anyone else catch the moment when both of Skye’s men fought over her wanting to go out into the field? It was subtle, but my Skyward-loving heart is still beating.

Do you all trust Skye now? Will we see her parents in the future? Is Coulson her father?! (Probably not.) Hit the comments with your every theory, Skyward-related or not.

Phil Coulson (Clark Gregg) assembles a team of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents to handle strange new cases.
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