By Erin Strecker
Updated September 24, 2013 at 05:01 PM EDT
Theo Wenner

Miley Cyrus has a message for the haters, by way of a Teddy Roosevelt quote: “So THAT HIS PLACE SHALL NEVER BE WITH THOSE COLD AND TIMID SOULS WHO NEITHER KNOW VICTORY NOR DEFEAT.”

The phrase, meaning you can’t please everyone, is tattooed on her arm. This is just one of many revelations in the you-know-you’re-going-to-read-the-heck-out-of-it Miley Cyrus Rolling Stone cover story, now available in full online. (Yes, her tongue is out on the cover; no, there aren’t any hammers in sight.) No surprise, the girl who first got big just bein’ Miley isn’t offering any apologies.

Instead, throughout the interview, she seems aware that this feature is a big moment for her and how she wants to present herself going forward; she seems eager to cram as many “bad gurrl” experiences into the piece as she can, from getting a tattoo to clubbing to sky diving. She even mentions support from fellow rabble-rouser Kanye West, who apparently is a fan. Below, read the best Miley Cyrus quotes (stay for the unexpected Steve Carell shout-out!) from the story:

1.) Hannah Montana Forever. “People get tattoos of the most f—ed-up shit,” Miley says. “Did you know Alec Baldwin has Hannah Montana’s initials tattooed on him? No, wait — Stephen Baldwin. He said he was my biggest fan, and I told him my biggest fans have tattoos. So he got hm tattooed on his shoulder. … People do f—ed-up shit.”

2.) Steve Carell won’t be her twerking buddy. “[Steve Carell] always gives me the stank-eye because I drive so fast,” Miley says. “The other day I was trying to reverse and I almost hit a thousand things, and I was getting nervous because I could see him going” — she crosses her arms and lets out a big, annoyed sigh. “I’m like, oh, my God, Dan in Real Life is watching me right now!”

3.) Cyrus knows her double standards. “No one is talking about the man behind the ass. It was a lot of ‘Miley twerks on Robin Thicke,’ but never, ‘Robin Thicke grinds up on Miley.’ They’re only talking about the one that bent over. So obviously there’s a double standard.”

4.) She’s well aware of America’s sex versus violence issues. “America is just so weird in what they think is right and wrong. Like, I was watching Breaking Bad the other day, and they were cooking meth. I could literally cook meth because of that show. It’s a how-to. And then they bleeped out the word ‘f—.’ And I’m like, really? They killed a guy, and disintegrated his body in acid, but you’re not allowed to say ‘f—‘? It’s like when they bleeped ‘molly’ at the VMAs. Look what I’m doing up here right now, and you’re going to bleep out ‘molly’? Whatever.”

5.) She’s got some ideas for Justin Bieber. “I do mentor him in a way. Because I’ve been doing this sh– for a long time, and I already transitioned, and I don’t think he’s quite done it yet. He’s trying really hard. People don’t take him seriously, but he really can play the drums, he really can play guitar, he really can sing. I just don’t want to see him f— that up, to where people think he’s Vanilla Ice. I tell him that. Like, ‘You don’t want to become a joke. When you go out, don’t start sh–. Don’t come in shirtless.’ But the thing is,” she says with a laugh, “I think boys are, like, seven years behind. So in his head, he’s really, like, 12.”

6.) Say goodbye to the tongue? “People are like, ‘Miley thinks she’s a black girl, but she’s got the flattest ass ever,'” she says. “I’m like, I’m 108 pounds! I know! Now people expect me to come out and twerk with my tongue out all the time. I’ll probably never do that sh– again.”

Hammers everywhere can now breathe a sigh of relief.