Credit: Everett Collection

Every week, EW will imagine a sequel to a movie that we wish would happen — no matter how unlikely the idea really is.

I was a very serious child, and I often found myself confused about what I was supposed to do in public scenarios. For example: I thought you weren’t supposed to scream on roller coasters — you should see that photo — and you weren’t supposed to laugh out loud in movie theaters — there’s no photo of that, sorry. Why did I think this? I have no idea, especially because I come from a family of very loud screamers and even louder laughers (new word alert!). Perhaps I was rebelling? Or I’ll just use the I-didn’t-know-any-better excuse. Either way, the first movie to not only force me to crack a smile but to make me absolutely hysterical was some “stupid movie I didn’t even want to see.” And I give you Rat Race.

The premise: John Cleese plays a bored millionaire (billionaire?), who loves gambling, so he gathers his rich friends for the ultimate bet. At random, they select six teams made up of everyday people. These six teams are then told that they are to race across the country and retrieve $2 million dollars from a locker that’s more than 500 miles away. Meanwhile, the rich folk sit in Vegas, monitor the whole race, and put money down on which of the poor folk they think will get the dough. Included amongst the poor are Cuba Gooding Jr., Breckin Meyer, Whoopi Goldberg, Seth Green, Rowan Atkinson and more. What follows involves many miles, one helicopter, a few stints of narcolepsy, multiple hot air balloons, vandalism, theft, a human heart, and one bus full of I Love Lucy wannabes, “WAHHH!!!” and all.

The film ends — spoiler! — at a Smash Mouth charity concert, where the poor get their revenge on Cleese’s millionaire by donating the money and announcing that he will double the amount the concert raises. Take that, rich guy! But that isn’t the point: The point is that things are left wide open for a sequel! Everyone’s still poor! So here’s my idea:

My favorite scene in the entire movie involved Seth Green (shocking, I know) and Vince Vieluf, who play brothers, attempting to pull down an airport tower with their jeep. (Helpful note: Vieluf’s character’s tongue is infected from a recent piercing.)

So first and foremost, in the sequel, Vieluf’s character would have to bite his tongue or do something so that he still talked like that, but I’m confident we can make that happen. We’ll have him crash on his skateboard or something. Sorry, onto the actual premise: Rat Race 2 (Actual title TBD) is all about what happens when the rich fall. Cleese, after losing all his money at the end of the last movie, will be forced to join the next race, which will feature some but not all of the original cast. I’ll keep the brothers (who will inevitably try to tear down a tower at some point), Rowan Atkinson, and Dave Thomas’ character, who literally had no personality in the first film and was brilliant. The rest can be tweaked (sorry Cuba).

But this time, the money has doubled in both value and distance. Four million buckaroos is sitting in a locker overseas, and it’s a battle across the ocean! I’m thinking pirates, water skiing, submarines, hang gliding, maybe even an Egyptian pyramid or two? Nothing is off limits. This can literally be a Hangover II type deal, where the actual plot between the first two films doesn’t change all that much. So long as it’s ridiculous and I can’t understand a word Vieluf says, I’m there.

What do you guys think? Would you guys watch (and love) the ridiculousness with me?

Rat Race
  • Movie
  • 112 minutes