By Katie Atkinson
Updated August 22, 2013 at 12:00 PM EDT
Credit: Danny Feld/NBC

Parks and Recreation app-and-zert enthusiast Tom Haverford fancies himself a ladies’ man, and apparently so does the man beneath Tom’s suit and tie, Aziz Ansari: The comedian/actor announced today that he’s writing a relationship guidebook for the modern, tech-obsessed dating scene.

“You know when you text someone you’re romantically interested in and you don’t hear anything back and then you see them post a photo of a pizza on Instagram? That’s exactly what I want this book to deal with,” Ansari said in a press release announcing his book deal.

The thing is, Tom Haverford has been unveiling bits and pieces relevant to this exact book every week for the past five years on the NBC comedy. So we’ll help Aziz get started (writer’s block afflicts every new author!) by giving him some jumping-off points from his Pawnee alter ego:

1. Impress a lady by trying to one-up another man (bonus points for explaining yourself with Montel Jordan lyrics).

2. Always take advice on women from the guys of Entourage.

3. Make sure she doesn’t violate any items on your “Oh No No” list.

4. Don’t be afraid to Peacock to get her attention.

5. Wait at least eight weeks to text her back.

6. Study and memorize the famale form.

7. Always Treat Yo Self, because you can only truly love someone else when you love yo self.

What other Tom Haverford tips would be perfect for Aziz’s book? The yet-untitled tome is tentatively due in September 2015.

Episode Recaps

Premieres: Thursday, Sept. 26, at 8 p.m. on NBC Stars: Amy Poehler, Adam Scott, Nick Offerman, Aziz Ansari What to expect: Leslie (Poehler) heads to…

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