Pretty Little Liars Bring Down The Hoe
Credit: Adam Taylor/ABC FAMILY

There’s only one week to go before the big midseason finale, and I’m pretty excited to see if this season can turn itself around and actually make me feel like the hours I’ve spent on PLL have been worth it. Pressure’s on, Liars!

With Tanner showing up at school and sitting down to bully the girls, I am reminded again how insane it it that this many adults are intent on demeaning and undermining four teenage girls. It’s all so indirect and catty and … yuck! Why don’t the adults in this town act their age, not their shoe size? But Spencer has a plan. And Hanna has a new stalker. (Please, please stop introducing new characters to this show.)

Aria is wearing a sweet tiger shirt! And (gag) Jake is wearing a jacket/jersey combo I want nothing to do with. Although Ezra has clearly gone off the rails, it includes some scruff so is it really all bad? I love how on TV whenever someone finds something suspicious in their locker or gets a text message from an unknown number they whip their head around, wide-eyed to try to spot the person. But since this is PLL, Hanna actually saw the creeper who slipped hundreds of dollars into her possession with the tip that the cash could help her mom.

I can’t even care about this guy. I have to focus on the mysteries that already exist. As Toby said, “I don’t feel like asking questions, not when I’m getting answers.” Wise words, Tobster. I think this show needs to take its own advice and stop bringing new players into the game – and just solve the puzzle! The girls, who almost get stabbed in the eyes by knitting needles (could’ve been scarier), are really really sick of Spencer’s sneaky behavior. They’ve all had boyfriends! “Yea, even Emily!”

I love that Aria compares the eyeball incident to Emily’s house being destroyed and Ashley’s looming prison sentence. I know there are a lot of people out there who don’t trust her and I have to say … she has been relatively free from harm this season. I’m not saying she’s A or anything – but she’s just become unnecessary.

Have Emily’s eyes been extra huge this episode? Is this whole “I bought you boots” thing supposed to be hot? Or romantic? Is anyone else just not feeling this relationship between Jake and Aria?

Showing CeCe and the red coat was a little too easy – but honestly, I’ll take it if that’s what PLL is handing me this week. I don’t think there was any doubt that Red Coat was CeCe so now we … know? I mean no, we don’t for sure. Damn it! Cut to the most awkward themed party yet on PLL. Everyone looks terrible in their cliche cowboy outfits! Hanna can’t even see past her hat. Walking and dancing, while sweet in Jane Austen movies, is really not working in this scene. Doesn’t it look like they were dancing to more upbeat music and then what was dubbed in later was an anthem for a slow dance? What the heck is going on at this hoedown?! I can’t believe this is the excuse they came up with to have Jake dance.

Nobody can dance! These outfits are so skanky! (But I do think Emily’s outfit is kind of cute.) Two of the liars have dramatically removed their hats – which means more people should wear hats on this show, because doffing headwear is downright theatrical and it fits in perfectly in Rosewood.

My favorite element of this Red Coat chase scene is that rather than going after her on foot, Spencer and Emily spend at least two minutes trying to get a vehicle – when Red Coat was right there. So determined are they to chase her, they don’t notice something slithering through the hay in the back of the jalopy they’ve commandeered until it’s almost too late. Then they attack it with a hoe. I don’t think they thought that one through. Good thing it was just an empty coat.

CALBY! All they did was run from the cops but wasn’t it magical?

In conclusion, this episode looked like when you go looking for Halloween costumes and all you can find is the shrunken, midriff bearing version of every disguise. “Sexy Cookie Monster!” “Sexy Robot!” Plus some really uncomfortable dancing, and shots of CeCe with a red coat and in a black hood … nothing we didn’t already know there.

But I am impressed she can knit with gloves on.

What is this show even about?

Episode Recaps

Pretty Little Liars

Four little liars and a being named “A” (who may or may not be the fifth little liar) try to live their lives in Rosewood. It’s complicated.

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