I still can’t believe MasterChef is only on for one hour now instead of two. I’m sad, but my gut is happy considering I can’t watch this or any cooking show without competing in the Snack Olympics the whole time. Only 60 minutes of mainlining spicy croutons and Haribo raspberries instead of 120? I’m practically wasting away. Email me for more diet tips, I’m the best. So which of the Top 7 headed home tonight after failing to achieve instant prowess in preparing “a stunning! Japanese cuisine”? SPOILERS ahead!

ELIMINATED: Eddie Jackson, a former NFL-er turned personal trainer. WTF?! Has Eddie ever even messed up before? He was one of my faves, and not just because looking at him is like the lazy person’s equivalent of taking a Xanax. I always felt so calm and grounded staring at him. Maybe it was just the heavy snacks.

Silly me — I thought Luca would be the obvious choice for elimination in this strong Top 7. It seemed like Gordon’s very obvious crush on Luca’s naturally “gorgeous wife Kate” was what got Luca that win (and therefore immunity) on the Mystery Box Challenge featuring the contestants’ loved ones. And you gotta think that if Luca had participated in the dreaded sushi challenge, he’d have flaked so disastrously that his ouster would be a done deal.

But no! That is not the way MasterChef works. So it’s goodbye to Eddie, and hello again to either Bri, Bime, or Sweat Rag Lynn, who’ll all return next week to for a chance to re-enter the competition.

Anyway, Luca attempted to sabotage his biggest threat, Natasha (it says a lot about MasterChef that the orchestrated sabotage of a fellow contestant is not only expected, but at this point strictly enforced), by pairing her with high school bully Krissi. Didn’t work, buddy! Krissi rode shotgun on Natasha’s more sushi-experienced coattails and the two former arch nemeses (like, back in episode 2) worked together wonderfully.



Japanese cuisine tag-teamers Jessie and Eddie

EXERCISE FIEND OF THE NIGHT: Graham Elliot with his inspired take on the Running Man

HOW CUTE WAS GORDON RAMSAY? I loved his split-second spouts of commentary during Krissi’s home video from her son. He explained he needed to miss the trip because of state-standardized testing (“Important!” sputtered Ramsay) and bragged about having not yet burned down the house. (“Classic!”) Gordon Ramsay is just so freaking efficient — that always gets to me. Like when he somehow stood in front of Jordan during the Mystery Box challenge and, over the course of about seven seconds of nervously shifting his weight back and forth, got a perfect sound bite out of the guy about how Jordan’s hypothetical cookbook would feature a dedication to his late mom! How does GR do it??! Ugh, how do the masters of this universe do anything that they do so well? It’s a mystery, wrapped in a box, reeking of uni still steeped in its own innards.

HOW LOUD WAS GRAHAM? We all picture/hear Ramsay as the one screeching into our ears, but Graham Elliot operates on this ridiculously high volume level whenever he has to shout out his lines during the Elimination Test. Does he have hearing issues? I mean, that’s fine if he does. Sometimes I don’t think my right ear even works. We’ve all got problems.

HOT TIP OF THE WEEK: “Never wash uni! No, never! Never! Come on!” (Gordon re: Jordan’s grave error)

I’M STARTING TO REALLY LIKE NATASHA: Actually that’s been going on for weeks, but once her hug-muffin son and studly hubby entered the picture I switched from “like” to “loooooove.”

Eddie predicted this adorable creature’s mom would win season 4. Natasha “has a lot of heart, and is starting to show it,” he said. Awww!

I STARTED TO DISLIKE KRISSI A LITTLE LESS… But then she had to taunt Luca for really no reason at the beginning of the sushi challenge: “Neither one of us are going him today SO LUCA CAN GO F*CK HIMSELF.” Oh my! Tone it down.

Or take a tip from Natasha and say the same thing, just as effectively, with a simple yet staggering eye roll!

Are you outraged about Eddie, or was it his time to go? Would you have eaten that sea urchin? (I was like yo, free uni!)

And do you want to see Bri, Bime, or Lynn return? Discuss!

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