July 10, 2013 at 08:44 PM EDT

Justin Bieber has obviously lost his mind. What other excuse would there be for his latest escapade — which involved public urination, a restaurant kitchen, and a mop bucket.

“You’re not going to remember him pissing in the restroom,” one of Bieber’s friends says in the clip from TMZ. “Everybody does that.”

He’s so right, though, isn’t he? Simply using a restroom is utterly mainstream and below The Biebs. Wow, Justin, what an awesome thing to be remembered for! People are thrilled about this! Especially chef Anthony Bourdain, who tweeted his enthusiasm … er …

The chef should have put his foot up this young punk’s ass. “My dishwasher ain’t cleaning that up, squirrel balls!

— Anthony Bourdain (@Bourdain) July 10, 2013

Just kidding he’s not thrilled at all. He is very upset, and you should be too. This kid is out of control. Take a note from Bourdain and start tainting the pop star in the eyes of the young girls in your life.

In a preemptive strike, I plan to tell my daughter that Justin Beiber tortures puppies. http://t.co/JyqSNoEKEP

— Anthony Bourdain (@Bourdain) July 10, 2013

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