By Annie Barrett
June 28, 2013 at 08:07 PM EDT
Ida Mae Astute/ABC via Getty Images

Rumor has it that as Paula Deen gets phased out by an unforgiving real-life America, she could have a place in alternate-universe America on Planet Mirrorballus. Dancing With the Stars has approached her before, and considering the show’s magnetism for controversial “stars” like Kate Gosselin and Bristol Palin, the Twinkie Pie pariah could be a perfect fit for the ballroom.

Would I want this polar opposite of a hidden gem to join the show?

It’s a tough call, because while I loathe the thought of the season and the public’s reaction to it becoming all about Paula Deen and her racism — even months down the line when everyone has had a chance to CALM DOWN — I do wonder if more people would tune in. I mean, look at her cutting a rug up there in that photo (from The Chew in June 2012 — the hand of her dance partner appropriately looks like a large chicken). She’s a natural! What a frame.

I just worry that she’d manipulate the program to become her new personal weight-loss series/redemption platform… and eventually team up with Bruno Tonioli to put out a new line of leather-studded cookware (available exclusively at nowhere). And can you imagine if she got paired with Maks and started feeding him Stuffing on a Stick? Since he’s self-proclaimed ‘Sex on a Stick,’ wouldn’t that qualify as eating himself? You can’t self-cannibalize in the ballroom, Paula Deen! This isn’t the Today show. There are rules. God, stop it.

So that’s a hard no from me.

Big deal. ABC doesn’t comment on casting anyway, and this is only a rumor.

Your thoughts?

Read more:

Paula Deen non-apology slammed

Rev. Jesse Jackson: Paula Deen can be ‘redeemed’

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