Let me preface this slam by apologizing to both my 9-year-old self who loved the coming-of-age novel on which this wreck was based, and to Judy Blume, the high priestess of pubescent Jersey girls who authored said teen masterpiece. As at least half the women you know could tell you, Tiger Eyes tells the story of Davey (Arrow?s Willa Holland, making the best of it), who moves to New Mexico with her basket case of a mother (Felicity?s Amy Jo Johnson) after her father is murdered and falls for a nature boy named Wolf (Tatanka Means, lacking one iota of chemistry with his costar). Sadly, this adaptation by first time director Lawrence Blume (yes, Judy’s son, in case you were wondering how he landed such a plum gig) is laughably, amateurishly, and Hallmark-Movie-Channel bad. I lost count of how many times poor Holland was forced to do her best pensive-stare-into-the-New-Mexico-yonder. Making matters worse, some of the more daring storylines from when the novel was published back in 1981 (a high school girl getting drunk at school!) come off like a cheesy afterschool special. Best to forget the movie version exists and keep your happy childhood memories intact. C?