By Jeff Labrecque
June 04, 2013 at 05:34 PM EDT
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In This is the End, James Franco and Seth Rogen try to get through the apocalypse with a little help from their famous friends. The world is literally imploding, which really puts a damper on the killer shindig Franco was hosting. Rihanna is there, Mindy Kaling is horny, and Michael Cera is totally out of control. The cast — which also includes Jonah Hill, Danny McBride, Jay Baruchel, Craig Robinson, and Emma Watson — plays caricatures of their own public personas, an experience Rogen, who co-wrote and co-directed with Evan Goldberg, found cathartic. “The studio was a little freaked out by the notion of it, but we like referential meta humor like Seinfeld or the Garry Shandling Show,” Rogen said. “I think it is a risk, but it is always something I thought was really funny. The actors were psyched so we just kind of went for it.”

Watching warped versions of these Hollywood stars go all Lord of the Flies on each other begs the question: Which of them have the skills to survive the end of times, when pure Darwinistic instincts take over? At last night’s premiere in Westwood, Calif., the cast was brutally honest about their chances should hell open up, the sky start to fall, and a demon-penis (Yes, demon-penis) attack humanity.

Bottom line: It doesn’t look like the post-apocalyptic world will have any jesters. Read below for the cast’s thoughts on what survival skills might keep them alive when the fit finally hits the shan:

“Who knows what would happen if it was the real-deal apocalypse? Maybe I would be the weak link? Maybe I would turn on everyone and go cannibal? No, I’m a lover, not an eater.” — Danny McBride

“I would be good at rationing. I would be very strategic about it, I would divide up my food and figure out days and how much for each day. Type-A apocalypse.” — Emma Watson, channeling her inner Hermione

“I don’t think people give a sh-t about jokes during an apocalypse and that’s my major ability. Writing good jokes might actually be the worst thing to be able to do at that time. I will be a sex slave.” — Seth Rogen

“I can work a flamethrower. It’s good because it’s got a wide amount of uses and also it targets a wide zone. You don’t have to have pinpoint accuracy with a flamethrower. You don’t have to get close to the enemy. It is not a misnomer; they throw flames.” — Paul Rudd

“I am in two apocalyptic movies back to back so I’ve kinda got a handle on the end of the world. I have done a lot of planning and I have picked up some skills. I know I’m going to need a lot of water and I already have the idea for the weapon I’m going fashion — a scythe that goes from my wrist to my elbow so I can punch and cut at the same time.” — Craig Robinson, who also appears in this summer’s Rapture-Palooza

“My murderous intuitiveness.” — Jay Baruchal

Baruchal gets my vote, but Evan Goldberg thinks Robinson would be the last man standing, based on his size and strength. Not so much for the party host: “James Franco is the first to become a sex slave,” he said. “He’s too handsome for his own good.”

Here’s the NSFW red-band trailer for This is the End:

Reporting by Carrie Bell

Read more:

‘This is the End’: James Franco hosts the apocalypse?

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