By Lynette Rice
Updated May 23, 2013 at 03:00 PM EDT
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Credit: ABC

With ratings at an all-time low and the show destined to become a one-night-a-week franchise, the time is never better to make much-needed improvements to Dancing With the Stars. After scanning our message boards (and our beloved Fringe Fairy), we came up with five, easy-peasy changes that could boost the ratings and our affection for fake tans.

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Credit: ABC

1. Drop the celebraquarium. It’s clear why these Q and As with Brooke Burke-Charvet were created; the judges needed the time to figure out the scores. But after 16 seasons, Len, Bruno and Carrie should know how to give results in a flash by now — if only to spare us from hearing Brooke’s painful questions that the pros (and more often that not, the amateurs) clearly hate to answer.

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Credit: Lewis Jacobs/NBC

2. Level the playing field. It’s super fun when a Kirstie Alley, a Michael Bolton and even a Cloris Leachman comes to play — even though they have no chance in hell of ever winning because they’re always up against NFL stars or tiny actresses with former dance training. It sure would be nice if the producers could figure out a way to give celebrities with two left feet a fighting chance for the Mirror Ball Trophy. Maybe forgo the athletes for one season, along with anyone who looked like they spent a week or two in a paso doble class. A season of only Ty Murray types? Yeah, I’d watch that.

Or better yet, why not make sure….

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Credit: Lewis Jacobs/NBC

3. Derek Hough is only partnered with the oldest woman. No offense dude — you’re freakin’ awesome and your choreography is unparalleled. But you’ve won too dang many times and there are too many accusations flying around that you only get the talented ingenues (see: young, purty, and previously trained hoofers). Here’s one way to stop that chatter and make it harder for him to win — only give him the ol’ girls.

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Credit: Lewis Jacobs/NBC

4. Shake up the judges panel. Hold on, people; no one wants to see ABC take an etch-a-sketch to the dais and completely rid the world of this infamous trio. But why not shake things up a bit by adding a familiar (and charismatic) face like Maks? Or Cheryl? Or Tony?

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Credit: Lewis Jacobs/NBC

5. No more Disney stars. We know why ABC went with the youngins’ in the first place: It wanted to lure junior viewers to the aging franchise. #Fail! The show still skews old (Tuesday’s finale, for example, only averaged a 1.5 rating among teens but a whopping 10.9 rating among adults 50-plus). Time to declare that experiment a total bummer wipeout and go for older, crazier contestants instead — like Sean Young.

Episode Recaps

JENNA JOHNSON, ADAM RIPPON

Dancing With the Stars

type
  • TV Show
seasons
  • 28
rating
genre
network
  • ABC

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