'Dancing With the Stars': 5 ways to fix the show
With ratings at an all-time low and the show destined to become a one-night-a-week franchise, the time is never better to make much-needed improvements to Dancing With the Stars. After scanning our message boards (and our beloved Fringe Fairy), we came up with five, easy-peasy changes that could boost the ratings and our affection for fake tans.
1. Drop the celebraquarium. It’s clear why these Q and As with Brooke Burke-Charvet were created; the judges needed the time to figure out the scores. But after 16 seasons, Len, Bruno and Carrie should know how to give results in a flash by now — if only to spare us from hearing Brooke’s painful questions that the pros (and more often that not, the amateurs) clearly hate to answer.
2. Level the playing field. It’s super fun when a Kirstie Alley, a Michael Bolton and even a Cloris Leachman comes to play — even though they have no chance in hell of ever winning because they’re always up against NFL stars or tiny actresses with former dance training. It sure would be nice if the producers could figure out a way to give celebrities with two left feet a fighting chance for the Mirror Ball Trophy. Maybe forgo the athletes for one season, along with anyone who looked like they spent a week or two in a paso doble class. A season of only Ty Murray types? Yeah, I’d watch that.
Or better yet, why not make sure….
3. Derek Hough is only partnered with the oldest woman. No offense dude — you’re freakin’ awesome and your choreography is unparalleled. But you’ve won too dang many times and there are too many accusations flying around that you only get the talented ingenues (see: young, purty, and previously trained hoofers). Here’s one way to stop that chatter and make it harder for him to win — only give him the ol’ girls.
4. Shake up the judges panel. Hold on, people; no one wants to see ABC take an etch-a-sketch to the dais and completely rid the world of this infamous trio. But why not shake things up a bit by adding a familiar (and charismatic) face like Maks? Or Cheryl? Or Tony?
5. No more Disney stars. We know why ABC went with the youngins’ in the first place: It wanted to lure junior viewers to the aging franchise. #Fail! The show still skews old (Tuesday’s finale, for example, only averaged a 1.5 rating among teens but a whopping 10.9 rating among adults 50-plus). Time to declare that experiment a total bummer wipeout and go for older, crazier contestants instead — like Sean Young.
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