By Annie Barrett
Updated May 21, 2013 at 12:00 PM EDT

Dancing With the Stars

  • TV Show

Studies have shown that Hidden Gems of the Week,’s collection of reader-submitted ridiculata, is the best way to enjoy Dancing With the Stars without ever having to turn it on. It’s a visual feast of sparkles, fringe, and stunning awkwardness. Ready to go down the rabbit hole? Behold this bountiful smattering of Visible Gems!

“I would vote for Aly if she brought out McKayla Maroney for her freestyle, simply so that she could stand in the corner and give Mark her not impressed face.” —BlueEyes2204

“Aly and Mark’s freestyle is brought to you by Ke$ha.” —kellen, endorsed by duranmom, orville1970, Wiltasaurus

“Between the costumes, the stripper pole, and the music, I felt like it was like Mark’s Bollywood style mash-up of Tron and Showgirls.” —Jillibeans

“It looks like he raided Bruno’s weekend loungewear.” —FrigidDiva, endorsed by Jem H, Wiltasaurus

“Mark is literally peacocking this time with his blue, green, and gold sparkly outfit.” —Amy in KC

“Mark’s makeup is like a mini Phantom of the Opera mask.” —Colleen, endorsed by gemtastic15, Wiltasaurus

“Kym’s glamour shot in the opening dance. Fierce!” —kellen, endorsed by Fringe Fairy

“Not so hidden gem: Len is very pleased with himself over learning and performing Jacoby’s signature moves. If only Jacoby had taught him how to jump over Karina.” —Colleen, endorsed by duranmom, DonnaW

“I’m sorry but every time I hear ‘supersize’ freestyle, I think of one of the decoys (because they would, not one of Our Pros) working the drive-thru window asking me ‘Would you like fries with that McDouble?’ I think Fringe Fairy had a hidden gem of this last season — the troupe dancing with a giant Coke and fry carton I believe.” —Colleen, endorsed by Fridgedancer, duranmom, Amy in KC, Anthony

“Is that why Derek was dressed like a hamburger and one of the other dancers was dressed in a French Fry costume during one of the pre-ad breakaway scenes?” —JoMarch

NEXT PAGE: A man with glowing red hands!

“In Kellie & Derek’s quickstep, there was a guy clapping and a red light appeared with each clap — he’s clapping gems! Finale, indeed!” —debbsjo, endorsed by Wiltasaurus

“Derek’s face at the end of he and Kellie’s quickstep looked just like Jeff Dunham’s puppet Walter.” —kellen

“After Kellie’s scores, the way Jacoby’s arms were behind Brooke’s neck looked like her Cruella De Vil dress sprouted an awesome neck piece. Pause it just right and it looks PERFECT!” —Anthony

“When Kellie and Derek were talking to Brooke after the quickstep, the lights behind Karina’s head looked like devil horns.” —Ellen, endorsed by Wiltasaurus

“I’m afraid Brooke might take off and fly with those shoulder wings.” —DonnaW

“Is Brooke’s dress made out of Muppets?” —orville1970

“It definitely had low-budget Muppet production values–not even enough fabric to go all the way around her. Kermit’s nephew Scooter had to use strips of duct tape to hold the front and back together.” —Michele

“Brooke looks like she works at Miss Kitty’s as a saloon girl, all she needs is the hat.” —Jen Schuster

“Not so hidden gem: Brooke’s side boob. (Does that count unofficially as two gems?)” —squirk88

“Val’s head was clearly injured (ouch, btw), but the real travesty was his silky shirt was bloodstained!!! Okay, the real travesty was Val’s face being hurt.” —kellen, endorsed by jocelyn

NEXT PAGE: Tony Dovolani, Captain Underpants, and Val from The Office!

“Val jokingly covering his face where Zendaya smacked him in rehearsal! Ha!” —IowaGirl, endorsed by SunBlitz42, Jem H

“Zendaya’s pants in the Samba look like strawberries!” –Jen Schuster

“Are those fringed *fishnet stockings*? Kinda awesome.” —orville1970, endorsed by AwesomeGem, Colleen, gemtastic15

“Zendaya has let the leg-shaving go a bit, I think. :)” —SpeechTeacher89

“But since she’s on Planet Mirrorballus, her legs grow sparkly tinsel. It’d be kinda hard to shave that anyway.” —DonnaW

“I love how Zendaya picked up on Val’s signature move of wiping his brow!” —Colleen, endorsed by orville1970

“Jacoby is Captain Underpants!” –Fridgedancer, endorsed by Amy in KC, orville1970, SpeechTeacher, Savage131, duranmom, Wiltasaurus

“Is that the gemtastic Tony Dovolani?” —Colleen, endorsed by Fridgedancer, Michele

“The female dancer at the beginning of Karina and Jacoby’s freestyle was Ameenah Kaplan — Val from The Office!” —RifaG, endorsed by orville1970, Lelo

NEXT PAGE: Mark Ballas’ crotch: The Anti-Gem?

“LMAO — As Mark was describing his concept, the producer’s face was like ‘So…like a stripper pole…and he clearly has some experience with this!'” —RifaG, endorsed by Jem H, Michele, iggy, Liz

“How about the giant hole in the crotch of Mark’s rehearsal pants?” —Kittbrown, endorsed by DonnaW, AwesomeGem, krb, Tina, SM, Jmtobias, carolclark12, Duckiez, DeeLusional

“It’s an anti-gem. This would have been a better time for him to be sporting the crotch fringe. To hide the crotch hole in the pants. And I’m now scarred by far too much talk about Mark’s crotch, I need a minute to regroup.” —Jem H, endorsed by Wiltasaurus, Lola

“My favorite glitter drop was Bruno’s enthusiastic agreement with Carrie Ann on how difficult pole dancing is. Of course Bruno would know all about things like that…” —Mee Dee

NEXT PAGE: Emmitt Smith’s wife is the missing Ariel. Just trust me on this…

“The shape of the lights behind Kellie and Derek at the beginning of their freestyle is like the seashells where Ariel’s sisters emerge from in the beginning of The Little Mermaid!” —Amy in KC, endorsed by Wiltasaurus

“The lights at the start of Kellie/Derek’s Freestyle looked EXACTLY like Emmitt’s wife’s purse in the audience! It’s uncanny!!” —Anthony

“The Leaning Tower of Kellie move was spectacular.” —DancingBrenda, endorsed by SpeechTeacher89, iggy, gemtastic15, Wiltasaurus, Michele

“Kellie’s husband wiping tears away after her dance. So sweet.” –gemtastic15, endorsed by Amy in KC, Jem H, Wiltasaurus, Michele, debbsjo

“Mark looks like he has road kill hanging off of him.” —Fridgedancer, endorsed by gemtastic15, duranmom, Savage131, DonnaW, orville1970, SpeechTeacher89, kellen, Watergirl, Anthony

“Is that a fox tail or my Swiffer duster Mark is wearing?” —debbsjo, endorsed by duranmom, DonnaW

“Flowers coming out of Mark’s butt while he and Aly start and stop in a samba?!?!” —AwesomeGem


“”Gah, Aly and Mark’s samba costumes were infuriating. It looked like a victory dance after the hunting of a raccoon or something. The spray-tan fabric was probably for camouflage, because the forests of Mirrorballus are not green but tanned. In fact, the only colors extant on the planet are those found on gems (ruby, emerald, opal, sapphire, etc), mirror-y rainbows, and TAN.” —Wiltasaurus, endorsed by krb, Jem H, Stee, Electronic Neko, Caryn c, Fridgedancer, Hillchics


“No spats?” is an anagram for “So, pants?” –Michele

Thank you, DANCMSTRs one and all, for this fabulous heap of gems!


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Dancing With the Stars

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