By Darren Franich
May 08, 2013 at 10:26 PM EDT
Matt Sayles/AP

Reader’s Digest has released their list of the 100 Most Trusted People in America. Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep, Brian Williams, Judge Judy, Hillary Clinton, and many other politicians, performers, and TV hosts — people whose entire professional existence is arguably focused on constructing elaborate fictions and saying what you want to hear in lieu of the actual truth — all feature prominently in the list, beating out by a wide margin “Your Mother,” “Your Father,” “Your Second-Grade Teacher,” and many other people you probably should actually trust despite the fact that they aren’t famous.

The list also features Maya Angelou in the #5 slot and Alex Trebek at #8, plus both Bill and Melinda Gates in the top ten. Below the top ten, you find two Nobel Prize-winning chemists and one Nobel Prize-winning economist, which I guarantee is just because everyone felt embarrassed about saying “Alex Trebek” and so they quickly googled “Nobel Prize-winning economist” and said the first name that appeared. The list is interesting if you like lists of people you’ve heard of, and also if you find it interesting that more people trust the man who created Jar Jar Binks than the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. A press release notes that, among female movie stars on the list, Kristen Stewart received the lowest trust score, even though all she’s done lately is apologize for something that’s none of your damn business to begin with. But whatever, apparently we all trust Dr. Oz!

Follow Darren on Twitter: @DarrenFranich

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