Studies have shown that Hidden Gems of the Week,’s collection of reader-submitted ridiculata, is the best way to enjoy Dancing With the Stars without ever having to turn it on. It’s a visual feast of sparkles, fringe, and stunning awkwardness. Ready to go down the rabbit hole? Behold this bountiful smattering of Visible Gems!


“Tom’s perfect deadpan look after Carrie Ann just said Jacoby could fart the salsa.” —emily t, endorsed by orville1970, Jem H, Fridgedancer, DonnaW, duranmom, Michele, Queue55, DebraD, TequilaSunrise, Wiltasaurus, Kevin M. Kawa, kfran

“This might be a tad immature of me, but when has that stopped me before? In the ‘Still to Come’ segment, right after they showed Val kind of thrusting a bit toward the camera, it showed Kellie’s very phallic jet shooting off through the sky.” —Amy in KC, endorsed by DonnaW, Wiltasaurus

“The cabin on the floor during Ingo and Kym’s rumba reminded me of Carl’s house from Up. The lanterns looked like balloons waiting to lift it up, up, and away from the Mirrorballus stratosphere.” —Wiltasaurus, endorsed by Mia

“At the start of his rumba, Ingo looked like Dodgson from Jurassic Park. “Dodgson! We’ve got Dodgson here!”” —kellen

“The colorful hanging lanterns made me suddenly very hungry for Skittles. Or Dots. Or M&Ms. Or any kind of colorful candy, really.” —Kerri

“Profoundly Obvious Gem: Kellie nailing Derek in the face with a sparkly soccer ball.” —TequilaSunrise, endorsed by emily t, MLM, Anthony, kfran

“During the wild Latin dance with the troupe and our pros, the keyboard player was so intensely into the music that he appeared to be in excruciating pain.” —Decloo

“That singer looks like the love child of Ethan Hawke and Corey Feldman.” —DonnaW

“I was going to say he kind of looks like Tony.” —emily t

“He looked familiar to me too. I thought I saw a little bit of Bill Engvall in there. ‘Here’s your sign!'” —Amy in KC

“Derek and Kellie playing Pin the Merkin on Bruno.” —Kevin M. Kawa, endorsed by Fridgedancer

NEXT PAGE: A streamer saves Len

“Kellie and Derek were in Effingham, Illinois. This is going to be my new favorite fake swear word. And also, how appropriate, I’ve always thought camera hog Derek was an effing ham.” —Jem H

“The real hidden gem was the mini-trampoline that Derek needed in order to clear Kellie. Jacoby don’t need no mini-tramp, Derek!” —LAG Award Winner

“Haha, the man in the yellow tie (are we supposed to know who that is?) just waved at the camera!” —Amy in KC

“During Kellie and Derek’s critique, a random streamer made it look as though Len had put up a curtain between Carrie Ann and himself to distance himself from her criticism of Kellie’s lack of connection.” —Wiltasaurus, endorsed by DonnaW, Colleen, SunBlitz42

“Looked like Tom got a lil’ luck o’ the Irish as he had a green streamer wrapped around him as he was talking about how our own Leprechaun, Tristan, would be live blogging during the show.” —MLM, endorsed by Fringe Fairy, Wiltasaurus, Jem H, kfran

“During Brooke’s Q&A with Kellie and Derek, Fire Marshall Jacoby photo bombed the interview!” —kellen

“Did Brookebot deconstruct her mirrorball trophy to make her dress? It’s blinding, but in a reeeeeeeally large sparkly way.” —emily t, endorsed by Kerri, duranmom, Colleen, TequilaSunrise, The_only_catwoman

NEXT PAGE: A first-time gem hunter really *gets it*

“Andy is under a pineapple. Does that mean he’s SpongeBob SquarePants?” —DonnaW, endorsed by Fridgedancer, Wiltasaurus, TequilaSunrise

“Love it. Does that make Sharna Sandy?” —Karen CdM

“J.R. and Roshon mugging for the camera behind Tom with their ‘Puppetmaster’ routine. Was that a comment on how the pros pull the stars’ dancing strings? An audition for Once Upon a Time? Or are they Annie fans, desperate to be included in the Fabulous Heap of Gems (TM), grabbing any chance to be in the hunter spotlight?” —Michele, endorsed by DebraD, Tay, Anthony

“Andy has what looks like a steer’s skull on his bolo tie.” —DonnaW, endorsed by kfran

“Anyone else think their rumba was a sly wink to the art of gem hunting, with Sharna playing coy and Andy always trying to spot (and indulge in) her gems? Yes? No?” —Wiltasaurus

“Really appreciated Andy and Sharna’s Singin’ in the Rain homage there and how they work to make each dance a performance piece. Sharna was working a Cyd Charisse vibe, but kind of dangerous making anyone think about comparing Andy to Gene Kelly.” —Mambada, endorsed by orville1970, Amy in KC, Wiltasaurus, Michele

“Long time lurker, first time gem hunter! Near the end of Andy’s rumba, a stage manager-type could be seen walking out onto the stage area, then realized his mistake and went back behind the curtain!” —Savage131

“Mark, I don’t know what’s worse, your leopard spotted sweat pant pockets or your I Love Turtles shirt.” —iggy

NEXT PAGE: Should Sean Lowe be a Charmin Bear next?

“I’m sure Mark’s hospital spats are made of that same paper that hospital booties are made of. Also, I’m picturing Mark carefully cutting them out in his bed, refusing to go for X-rays until they were finished!” —SpeechTeacher89, endorsed by DonnaW, Colleen

“Why is he even WEARING a hospital gown?! He had a T-shirt and shorts on under it. Totally unnecessary! ” —Kerri

“How did Mark hurt his neck? By wearing too many heavy fedoras? If so, take that one off at the doctor, bud!” —Rachael

“Eeek, Mark appropriated Derek’s trademark crotch bob. Poor Aly.” —DonnaW, endorsed by Fridgedancer, gemtastic, SpeechTeacher89, orville1970, duranmom

“Endorsed, but throw it under the Hope It’s the Last Time It’s a Gem (HILTIG) pile.” —Wiltasaurus

“Mom just texted ‘Did you see the cameraman in the aquarium? Is that a hidden gem?’ It was right after Aly & Mark.” —DebraD

“Len is McKayla Maroney unimpressed with Carrie Ann and Bruno’s dancing.” —Colleen

“I loved his silent plea to the Mirrorballus gods for someone to just beam him out of there!” —SunBlitz42

“The maracas on the judges’ desk during Aly and Mark’s critique looked like two drumsticks of chicken. I felt transported back to medieval times looking at them, thinking Len was about to tear off a mouthful of both.” —Wiltasaurus, endorsed by Kevin M. Kawa

“My 13-year-old son wanted to contribute a hidden gem: ‘When they hit the piñata, it looked like Fun-Size Three Musketeers came out.'” —DonnaW

“When Sean is done with his contract with Hydroxycut (is that what he pushes?), he can sign on with Charmin Bath Tissue and the Bear Family. He already has the moves for sitting on the toilet.” —Chloe, endorsed by WoopWoop, Decloo, DonnaW, Amy in KC

NEXT PAGE: A lady biting her nails!

“You can see on Val’s face what we’re all thinking: Carrie Ann is talking out her @ss tonight.” —Electronic Neko, endorsed by Fridgedancer

“The lady biting her nails behind Bruno while he was talking to Zendaya & Val. To this day whenever I see nail biting I think of Bender from The Breakfast Club: “You keep eating your hand, you’re not going to be hungry for lunch.” (Oooh, Judd Nelson would be a perfect future DWTS contestant!)” —Jem H, endorsed by Tay, Liz

“Okay, we need a gif of that ‘splits war’ between Jacoby and Val.” —orville1970, endorsed by Colleen, Amy in KC, duranmom, Wiltasaurus, Liz, SpeechTeacher89, Anthony

“The castanets Zendaya was holding before her dance looked like a natural outgrowth of her obscenely long fingernails – this week painted a Goth black instead of having their usual fluorescent patterns.” —MLM

“Derek flapping Kellie’s arms at the close of the show reminded me of Mr. Burns from The Simpsons: “I bring you peace…'” —TwoLeftFeet


“The single white chair with the spotlight on it in the background during Andy & Sharna’s practice package. Was it set up for a sparkalien to beam down from Planet Mirrorballus?” —iggy

Thank you, DANCMSTRs one and all, for this fabulous heap of gems!


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Dancing With the Stars

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