Credit: HBO

On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a fervent Song of Ice and Fire fan who yearns to fulfill an elaborate sexual fantasy based around your Iron Throne replica. Well, at least until you post a public Craigslist ad saying as much.

The Seven Kingdoms were abuzz yesterday when a sexually-charged, Game of Thrones-referencing personal ad began circulating around the Internet. The listing, originally posted on New Orleans’s Casual Encounters Craigslist board, was supposedly written by a 25-year-old woman who’s looking for a “Stark in the streets but a wildling in the sheets” to get bizzay in costume with her. It’s such a poetic masterpiece that you might as well just read the entire thing:

Upon reading this, our first reaction wasn’t shock or awe — it was curiosity about the poster’s Iron Throne replica. Could she possibly have purchased the $30,000, 350-lb model available via HBO’s website — the one that went on sale last year and has inspired hilarious customer reviews from the likes of “Aerys Targaryen” (“The traitors want my city … but I’ll give them naught but ashes. Let Robert be king over charred bones and cooked meat”) and “Hodor” (“Hodor… HODOR!”)?

Well… no. “The life-size Iron Throne replica was offered as a fun option for high-end collectors,” a representative from HBO Corporate Affairs told EW today. “We’ve had multiple inquiries about purchasing one but haven’t sold any yet.”

So fear not, potential Daenerys sex partners: You won’t be defiling a piece of furniture worth as much as a 2013 Chevy Malibu. This does, however, prompt the question of which Iron Throne replica the Craigslist poster has procured. She couldn’t mean this 7-inch-high model, right? …Right?

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Game of Thrones

HBO's epic fantasy drama based on George R.R. Martin's novel series A Song of Ice and Fire.

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