Today, TLC announced a slate of new series, none of which involve strange addictions. The rundown:

Women of Homicide: It tails the most elite female homicide detectives in the country. This is as close as you’re going to get to guilt-free TLC programming, because…

Alaskan Women Looking for Love (working title): This one follows five women, some of whom have never left Alaska, who travel to Miami in search of men. We look forward to the bikini shopping montage.

• Husband Hunters: These women have everything picked out for their weddings but the grooms.

• My Teen Is Pregnant And So Am I: The special becomes a series, which means this must happen a lot.

Best Funeral Ever: That special becomes a series set at Dallas’ Golden Gate Funeral Home, where unique ceremonies are planned “proving once again that, while you may be in a casket, it can still be fantastic!”

Ballroom Blitz (working title): Amateur ballroom dancers will stop at nothing to win. This does not make us cringe.

Cajun Paranormal (working title): Inside the largest paranormal investigation company in Louisiana. Interesting, but yes, a better title is needed.

Breaking Amish: Brave New World (working title): In season 2, Abe, Rebecca, Kate, Sabrina and Jeremiah tackle Florida. Hope there’s a crossover episode with the Alaska ladies.

Family S.O.S. with Jo Frost: The former Supernanny helps all kinds of families heal.

• The Good Buy Girls: Two pageant girls-turned-home shopping hosts try to make their struggling network, DSN, work. (Bored already?)

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