March 29, 2013 at 12:00 PM EDT

”She was alive because she listened to her father and lived her life in routine and darkness and terror. So she was happy.” —Grug (Nicolas Cage), telling his daughter (Emma Stone) about a role-model kid, in The Croods


”If I wanted to wait on a rich man hand and foot, I would have gone to Dubai with that sheikh I met at Trader Joe’s.” —Britta (Gillian Jacobs), after refusing to wipe a spilled drink off a spoiled prospective Greendale student, on Community


”Well, then, that makes two of us.” — Selena Gomez to David Letterman, after he told her he once made her ex Justin Bieber cry, on Late Show


”TMZ in my face, Oprah all on my couch/Now I’m hosting the Grammys, what is this all about?” —LL Cool J on his new single ”We Came to Party”


”I don’t trust fish. They breathe water. That’s crazy.” —Nick (Jake Johnson) on New Girl


”I’m so glad you’re going to Ecuador, except for one thing: I feel sorry for the Ecuadoreans.” —Portia Nathan (Tina Fey), to John Pressman (Paul Rudd), in Admission


”Sorry about your friends, though. They’re kinda…dead.”—Ryan (Kevin Bacon), on the phone with cult leader Joe (James Purefoy), on The Following


”What should I do, Jill? Tell me! You’re the strongest white woman I know…besides Pink.” —Dallas (Cheryl Hines), to Jill (Gillian Vigman), on Suburgatory

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