By Erin Strecker
February 15, 2013 at 05:13 PM EST
George Pimentel/Getty Images

Say this for Ashton Kutcher: he’s not as dim as the characters he plays.

The former model who has made a career out of playing lovable dummies (with a penchant for taking their clothes off) knows that some of his movies haven’t exactly been the greatest. In an Esquire profile, Kutcher told the magazine, “I know exactly what films I’ve done that f—ing suck donkey. And I know the ones that are good, that people like. And I know it not because of the box office, because the box office is not going to tell you the truth. I know it because I have friends that don’t hold back. They don’t depend on me for money or employment. They’re just friends. Friends tell the truth.”

While he doesn’t call out any movies specifically, the writer of the profile says the only good movie Kutcher has ever made – sorry, fans of No Strings Attached —  is Dude, Where’s My Car? But while his track record may not be great, Kutcher does seem excited about his upcoming film project, the Steve Jobs biopic jOBS that is being released April 19 after premiering at Sundance last month. “I think it turned out really well,” he told the magazine.

Elsewhere in the long profile, readers can learn some Kutcher fun facts, such as that he is the highest-paid actor on television, making approximately $24 million between May 2011 and May 2012. At 17, “he bet a friend $1,000 that someday he would go on a date with Jennifer Aniston. When he asked her five years later, she declined.” He is set to be a passenger on Virgin Galactic, the world’s first commercial space line, and he was an early investor in Skype and Spotify.

Kutcher talks extensively about his tech investments in the piece, specifically his obsession with time. “True luxury is being able to own your time — to be able to take a walk, sit on your porch, read the paper, not take the call, not be compelled by obligation,” Kutcher told Esquire. “…I see three categories. I look for companies that create efficiencies of time — service companies that make things quicker, that compress time. Then entertainment, games, movies that make time more intense, more intensely enjoyed. And finally, I look for companies that actually work to create more time for people, through medicine, extending longevity. Health care. I think really successful businesses fall into these three categories. Time is the one thing we only have so much of, and we don’t really know how much we have, actually. So assigning value to time is very reasonable and almost easy to do. I invest in that value.”

Deep thoughts from the former Kelso.

Read more:

12-year-old charged for Ashton Kutcher prank call

Ashton Kutcher tweets mindbending image of himself with Steve Jobs — PHOTO

Sundance 2013: First Look of Ashton Kutcher as Steve Jobs in ‘jOBS’ — EXCLUSIVE