It’s no wonder a camera “just happened” to capture the now infamous Nicki Minaj vs. Mariah Carey brawl — after watching the two-hour season 12 premiere, it’s clear the two new American Idol judges can’t stand each other. This is never going to change, and it’s super uncomfortable to watch because both women are acting like they’re 5. Instead of coolly rising above their differences (when in actuality: THEY’RE THE SAME), they talk over each other until eventually Minaj wins because she’s simply louder and more obnoxious. At one point, Minaj plastered on one of her 31 flavors of fake smile and monotoned “She’s a bitch she’s a bitch she’s a bitch” ad nauseum. How many people are tuning in to a singing competition to see something like this? I’m guessing one — and she’s pictured above, mimicking how the majority of viewers probably looked while they watched her.

Minaj does have some productive things to tell the contestants, but her overall presentation is so abrasive, and she’s so concerned with outshining Mariah at every moment that the contestant at hand gets pushed aside. Mariah Carey ends up as the beta diva in this sad equation. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

We did see eight golden-ticket winners scattered throughout the two hours, and the judges were at least able to tone down the intramural bitchery for the last two or three. By the end of the New York audition night, Minaj announced, “I feel like we all gel well.” As if!

Did you think the judges’ antics overwhelmed the episode, or did you enjoy the dynamic?

No, Keith, Google it, I hope so, J. Lo please stop interning in the Idol graphics department, Yes, and MAYBE.

Stay tuned for my full recap overnight — but for now: What’d you think?

Also, in case you missed this in August (and who reads websites in AUGUST?) — here’s how I envisioned the initial Mariah-Nicki conflict going down, way back when both judges were announced….

Read more:

Ask Annie anything about ‘Idol’ — or whatever — below.