Credit: Gavin Bond/NBC

Ricky Gervais won’t be hosting the Golden Globes this year (sensitive celebrities, sigh in relief!), but there’s at least one comedically compelling reason to tune in. Make that two. 30 Rock‘s Tina Fey and Parks and Recreation‘s Amy Poehler are teaming up to emcee the 70th installment of the awards show that celebrates film, television, and, er, alcohol. (The ceremony airs live Jan. 13 at 8 p.m. ET on NBC.) You can read EW’s interview with the longtime friends — who co-anchored SNL’s “Weekend Update” and co-starred in Baby Mama and Mean Girls — in this week’s issue, which hits stands on Friday. You can also roll out the red carpet for the duo right now by reading this bonus Q&A.

Complete this sentence: I promise that this year’s Golden Globes will be…

TINA FEY: The sloppiest, best ever. The defining moment for a generation. But that generation is people who are currently in their nineties. And they’ve seen some stuff, so that’s actually saying more.

AMY POEHLER: Tina and I have done a lot of research and we found out that our demo is 90-year-olds and babies. So we’re going to try to shape the show so that both people like it.

What was your first reaction when the offer came in?

FEY: We were both like: Yeah, that sounds like it would be fun. It would be more fun than terrifying.

POEHLER: Which is basically how we base most of our decisions these days. And Tina and I never get to see each other anymore, only when we’re working, so we were excited to get to hang out and do it together. For some reason, we could picture ourselves doing it and getting the sense of the tone of it. Because that evening is the right amount of weird for us.

How will you contribute to the night’s boozy vibe?

FEY: They told us we actually have to pay for the alcohol. Because it’s like it’s our wedding, I guess. So we’re going to do a cash bar this year for the first time…. Claire Danes will have to have like a $20 tucked in her dress for the cash bar.

POEHLER: We’ll just kind of encourage people to go off their meds for one night.

What is your hosting “strategy”? How will it be different than Ricky’s?

FEY: We’re going to be the first people ever to do a man-to-man hosting strategy. We’re going to tell a joke to every single person in the audience. Most people do a zone — we’re going man-to-man.

POEHLER: You know what we’re going to do? We’re going to act really shy and coy. We’re going to be really giggly and do a lot of really quiet jokes that we’re going to say into our sleeve. We want to make it be like an inside joke that nobody gets. [Both laugh]

FEY: What might be exciting for us as a comedy paring is, I feel — and forgive me Amy if I’m speaking for you — but I feel like we’re both just, just old enough that we don’t really give a s— anymore.

POEHLER: I will tell you that the good news is, both personally and professionally, I have a large case of the f— its right now. And it’s the perfect time to host something of this magnitude.

What was your take on Ricky’s performances? A little over the line, just right, or not far enough?

FEY: That’s his brand. I think he got up there and did exactly what he wanted to do. Who am I to say what’s too far?

POEHLER: We had a lot of fun sitting in the audience, and I thought his jokes were really good. We come from a land from a lot of healthy teasing, so maybe our personal boundaries of jokes are different than others…. It’s a night of awards, so it’s not serious. Nor should it be.

What surprising things have you learned about the Hollywood Foreign Press through this process?

FEY: We’ve been meeting with all 90 of them at a hotel near Newark airport every weekend to write jokes.

POEHLER: Tina and I are very Method. Whenever we’re doing a character, we like to go deep. So we’ve been doing a lot of ride-alongs with the Hollywood Foreign Press and seeing what their day is like.

FEY: It’s amazing. They live a full year off the food they pocket at junkets. They’re able to stockpile enough food and water. They live in the trees around the Four Seasons hotel when there’s not a junket.

POEHLER: And half of them are ghosts. A lot of people don’t know that.

FEY: Most things that people have thought were Bigfoot over the years? Hollywood Foreign Press.

You’re both nominated for best actress in a TV comedy/musical. If we were being honest here, which award do you truly deserve to win?

FEY: “Most Audible Eye Rolling.”

POEHLER: I would win “Least Comfortable in Their Outfit.” Tina would probably win “Person with Most Cash on Them.” Let’s get that rumor going that Tina carries around $10,000 in cash on her at all times.

What overwrought analogies would you use to describe your chemistry?

FEY: The Cagney & Lacey of comedy.

POEHLER. Thank you. The Watson and Alexander Graham Bell of electricity. Am I getting that right? [to Fey] What animals mate for life?

FEY: Gay penguins?

POEHLER: If you’re ever around gay penguins and you see how much they love each other? That’s what we have. It’s like… you know that moment where Thelma and Louise hold hands before they fly off the cliff?

FEY: We would be laughing at that moment together.

If the Globes gig goes well, what other kinds of things do you want to host?

FEY: A show on QVC. Just a garage sale from our houses.

POEHLER: Maybe a really informal brunch between Israelis and Palestinians. Just a gentle brunch where we can get everybody together.

FEY: A cookie exchange where nobody notices that we didn’t contribute.

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