By Clark Collis
January 04, 2013 at 07:35 PM EST

Like a woodland-trapped demon waiting for someone to read the appropriate, evil-corporealizing incantation, the Evil Dead movie franchise has been quiet since 1992’s Army of Darkness. But that will change on April 12 when the remake of director Sam Raimi’s original 1981 shocker The Evil Dead hits cinemas. Produced by the architects of the previous three films in the franchise — Raimi, Rob Tapert, and Bruce “Ash” Campbell — this new iteration is cowritten by Diablo Cody and stars Jane Levy (Suburgatory), Shiloh Fernandez, and Lou Taylor Pucci. Replacing Raimi in the director’s chair is newcomer Fede Alvarez, whose alien invasion short film Panic Attack! has garnered an impressive 7m views on the ol’ YouTube.

Will this reboot of Raimi’s cabin-in-the-woods tale make good on its promise to be “The most terrifying film you will ever experience”? We’ll have to wait until April to find out. But if the film does fail to frighten it won’t be because anyone stinted on the fake red stuff, as our breakdown of the movie’s new, red band trailer amply demonstrates.

After an establishing shot of the film’s cabin-in-the-woods setting Jane Levy’s frightened-out-of-her-mind Mia informs Shiloh Fernandez’s David that he must “get me out of here.” If they ever make the mistake of letting Eli Roth direct an episode of Suburgatory, this is probably what it will look like.

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Lou Taylor Pucci’s bespectacled Eric unwraps a copy of what is almost certainly the Book of the Dead, a book, according to Evil Dead mythology, capable of unleashing demons. If they ever make the mistake of letting Eli Roth direct an episode of Oprah’s Book Club, this is probably what it will look like.

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But wait! Pucci finds an inscription which reads, “LEAVE THIS BOOK ALONE.” And that’s advice which surely no one staying in a creepy old cabin in the middle of nowhere would ignore. Right? Right?

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Wrong! The next time we see Pucci he’s still absorbed by the book, which we discover includes an illustration of a demon with a man’s body and an animal’s head. Either that, or it’s the bassist from GWAR.

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“There was something in the woods and I think it’s in here,” whispers Levy’s character, nicely summing up not just, presumably, the plot of this film, but also that of Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, Cabin in the Woods, Cabin Fever, most of the Friday the 13th movies, and, technically, Meatballs.

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Spend a weekend in the woods! You’ll come for the slithery, possibly sexual molestation-minded foliage, but you’ll stay for the expelling-of-the-black-gunk-out-of-your-mouth.

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Levy vomits blood all over Jessica Lucas’ face. The bad news? According to Evil Dead mythology, that means she’s going to become a possessed zombie. The worse news? It’s murderous on your complexion.

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Over a mayhemic montage — chainsaw! exploding mirror! decapitated-but-still-moving head in a bag! — Pucci explains that “something evil…is attached to Mia’s soul” and that they’re going to have to kill her. Well, that is what it says in the “Roommate Agreement.”

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Levy declares “You’re all going to die tonight!” in a manner which suggests she is definitely possessed  — or got Auto-Tune for Christmas.

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The trailer hits full-on gore mode: Facial disfiguring, full-body immolation, chainsaw-induced blood-spattering, some very unpleasant business with an eyelid, and what appears to be an amputation facilitated by the kind of electric knife one might use to slice up a baked ham. Mmm, baked ham.

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In a moment which pays direct homage to the early days of the Evil Dead franchise, Levy’s trapped-in-the-cellar character sings, “We’re gonna get you. Not another peep…” Oh come on, just one more peep.

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I’m not going to say that papercuts aren’t the most painful thing that can happen to a person. But I will suggest that slicing your own tongue in half  — which Levy does just before the trailer’s conclusion — must be, at the least, a very close second.

All in all, the trailer hints that the movie is much closer in spirit to the straight horror of the original than the berserk comedy of 1987’s much beloved Evil Dead II. Then again, maybe Raimi and crew are just saving the “Groovy!”-ness for the film itself.

Either way, you can check out the clip itself below. Take a look and tell us what you think.

Read more:

‘Evil Dead’ remake: Check out the new Necronomicon! — PHOTOS

‘The Evil Dead’ red band trailer: Break out the chainsaw! (NSFW)

Best of 2012 (Behind the Scenes): How ‘The Cabin in the Woods’ became the year’s most buzzed-about fright flick

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