Happy New Year, PopWatchers! What better way to ring in 2013 than a little quality time with two of the world’s finest reality starlets? MTV’s Club NYE featured a bevy of celebrity guests, but by far the most entertaining were the always reliable Snooki and JWoww (oh, and I suppose you, Jeff Dye). With Jersey Shore on its way out (R.I.P.), this might have been our last New Year’s Eve with the ladies, so I hope you, like me, just sat back and enjoyed the chaos. And what chaos it was! In honor of 2013, here are 13 questions about Club NYE. Answer if you can, sit in bewilderment if you will, but above all else, please be nice to the Mayans.
1. Were Snooki and JWoww drunk? What do you think? “We are clearly intoxicated,” JWoww proclaimed boldly.
2. Did you see any “bottles popping” and/or “booties dropping”? Apparently it was happening all over Times Square. Related: What does that even mean, Jeff Dye?
3. What was Ke$ha’s coat made of? It was so shiny!
4. Is it PC to refer to a British accent as a Harry Potter accent? Probably not, but Conor Maynard handled Snooki’s faux pas rather well. Granted, he might have been more offended by the fact that JWoww referred to him as a “little guy.”
5. Where was Lorenzo? Was I the only one wondering what Snooki’s baby was up to? Jionni Lavalle was in the audience warding off Snooki’s admirers, so where was the babe?
6. Are an orange scarf and a wool coat warm enough for Times Square in December? No, no they are not. Embrace the parka, Jeff Dye.
7. Will Jeff Dye see “The Hunger Games 2” with Ke$ha? It doesn’t come out until Thanksgiving, but I hope he holds her to her promise. Could you imagine a more awkward date? (Side note: it’s The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, not “The Hunger Games 2.”)
8. Will you use Ne-Yo’s tutorial on dancing with a drink in your hands? I appreciate that he took into account that most of us are in fact clutching drinks when bustin’ moves on the dance floor. However, I also noted that his drink example of choice was champagne, which — for future reference — is not exactly relatable for the hoi polloi, Ne-Yo.
9. Can you get a cab in Times Square on New Year’s Eve? Jeff Dye (notice I can’t not write his full name) seems to think so. I beg to differ.
10. Will the Mayans seek vengeance on Snooki and JWoww? I’m not sure telling a culture to “suck it” was the wisest choice of words.
11. Are you at all intrigued by Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters? I think I have the trailer memorized by now. It played during every commercial break.
12. Did Jeff Dye throw his underwear at Ke$ha? Actually, I’m not sure I want to know the answer to that. Plus, surely he’s saving himself for their Hunger Games date.
13. Which Jersey Shore cast member would you want your child to turn out like? Definitely Season 6 Ron.