By Hillary Busis
Updated December 26, 2012 at 05:16 PM EST
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You know, because they’re in a scary movie. What did you think I meant?

After a seven-year hiatus, Dimension Films’s killer parody series will return next year with a 5quel that takes aim at cutting-edge, topical targets including Paranormal Activity (released in 2007), Inception (2010), Black Swan (2010), and Lindsay Lohan’s career (1998-2007). Lohan is just one of several stars, including Charlie Sheen and Mike Tyson, who play themselves in the film; High School Musical alum Ashley Tisdale stars as an actual character, taking over for franchise mainstay Anna Faris.

Here’s the movie’s official trailer, which should be just the thing to suck away any and all remaining Christmas cheer:

Lohan is reportedly mad about the trailer’s punchline at her expense. This kind of thing never happened to Liz Taylor.

Read more:

Scary Movie 5

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