By Erin Strecker
Updated December 12, 2012 at 10:31 PM EST
Leon Neal/Getty Images
  • Music

I’ll tell ya what I want…yada yada yada. I want a decent Spice Girls show, and apparently it’s not going to happen anytime soon.

The reviews are in for The Spice Girls’ jukebox musical Viva Forever!, which opened in London last night, and they might give fans pause to zig-a-zig-what?

The show, which is based around the songs of the Spice Girls and features a theme of girl power, tells the story of four teenage friends whose bond is tested when they enter a reality show and only one is chosen to advance. At this time, there aren’t any plans to bring the show to the United States, which is too bad because many an American fan got reacquainted with their mid-nineties teen selves when the Spice Girls reunited and performed at the Olympics over the summer.

Unfortunately (obviously?) the lack of critical love meant many song lyrics were used in reviews to tell audiences to stop right now before they see the show. The Telegraph took the crown with, “I’ll tell you what I wanted, what I really, really wanted – I wanted this terrible show to stop”; The Independent went with “Viva Forever! forever? I rather think not” and the Daily Mail didn’t even bother with a pun when it said, “There is more female empowerment at a Taliban finishing school than in this show.” Ouch. It’s easy to snark, but many were hopeful that the show would be better than it apparently is — it’s written by Absolutely Fabulous comedian Jennifer Saunders and is produced by Mamma Mia! producer Judy Craymer.

It’s too bad critics couldn’t weigh in on the backstage drama: Emma, Mel C., Mel B., and Geri all posed for pictures together on the carpet beforehand (above). Victoria, naturally, chose to pose separately to remind you that she is still married to one David Beckham.

He may be her lover, but she does not want him to get with her “friends.”

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