Studies have shown that Hidden Gems of the Week, EW.com’s collection of reader-submitted ridiculata, is the best way to enjoy Dancing With the Stars without ever having to turn it on. It’s a visual feast of sparkles, fringe, and stunning awkwardness. Ready to go down the rabbit hole? Behold this bountiful smattering of Visible Gems!
MOST VALUABLE GEMS (MVG):
“When Melissa was getting her critiques, there were streamers hanging on both of her shoulders looking as though they were multicolored straps for her dress.” —Wiltasaurus, endorsed by Jem H, SunBlitz42, Anthony, MLM
“Tony should just go all out and have his extra smiley and sparkly white teeth encrusted with gems.” —gemtastic 15 and Colleen, endorsed by orville1970, Ryan Lochte, and DonnaW
“I only like the idea of the ‘supersized’ freestyle’ if they are eating burgers and fries while dancing.” —duranmom, endorsed by Fridgedancer, Wiltasaurus, Colleen, fauxbot
“They have those new fancy touchscreen pop machines now that are actually called “Coke Freestyle” machines! So you really truly can actually get a supersized freestyle! In over 100 different flavors! Although sadly it does not dispense glitter and fringe. Yet.” —Jem H
“I must say that Val’s abs get the award for most ‘val’uable gems!” —Colleen, endorsed by Fridgedancer, DonnaW, orville1970, BV, duranmom
“Everyone was extra jaunty tonight on those last notes of the theme music tonight – at the intro at the beginning Derek did a big kick straight out of Shawn’s chest, Tony did a Midnight Train to Georgia ‘woo woo’ fist pump, and Val did a kick move that almost made him tip over!” –Jem H, endorsed by Wiltasaurus
“HG Nom: Whatever is holding up BBC’s dress.” —SunBlitz42, endorsed by Hattiedog05, gemtastic15
“The gem-encrusted plastic?! The bedazzled boomerang?!” —KimG
“It looks like an upside-down horse collar!” —tango2
“I don’t know what was up with Brooke’s dress, but I’m thinking perhaps she was sporting around her neck the trophy from the newest upcoming show “Horseshoes With the Stars”. It’s a ringer!” —Jem H
“I think it’s made from a shower curtain and leftover mirrorball shards.” —DonnaW
“So Planet Mirrorballus moths eat beading and sequins? Make sense.” —Electronic_Neko
“Could it be that after being on Planet Mirrorballus for so long her skin is changing into the glittery shinny skin of the natives?” —BV
“I bet Derek hated not being in the spotlight at the end of the quickstep. #selfindulgent” —kellen, endorsed by Cindy
NEXT PAGE: The mirrorball on a golf tee is actually ICE CREAM. Iiiiiiiiiiice creeeeeeeeeam….
“Bruno’s extravagant “Nine and a HOFFFFF!!!!!” for Shawn and Derek’s [non]quickstep was perhaps the barmiest (using Len lingo here) announcement of that score yet. His finishing fist shake was just the cherry on top of that deliciousssssss sssssundae of ssssssenssssation!” —Wiltasaurus
“I love how the MIRRORBALL! trophy’s stand has a band running around it with the names of all the winning pairs since the first season.” —Wiltasaurus
“The Mirrorball behind the crowd and Tom looked like a huge ice cream cone. Please tell me someone else thought this.” —Anthony
“Blossom’s grandma was sitting behind Tom after Shawn and Derek received their first round scores.” —kellen
“Gotta love how Kelly talked about her bond with Val as she gave him a wedgie. (But I’m pretty sure they do more than that, IYKWIM)” —Cindy, endorsed by Wiltasaurus, Anthony, MLM
“Val and Kelly sharing their lollipop (glitterbarf)” –rays, endorsed by Anthony
NEXT PAGE: Upcoming Star Wars sequel to star Mr. and Mrs. SparkleTeeth and Q*Bert?
“Not so hidden, but I loved Kelly & Val’s recreation of the Dirty Dancing part where Baby is supposed to be serious but her armpit is ticklish. Cute.” —Jem H
Tony can’t hug Giant Melissa’s leg because of the green screen =( I was so surprised that it was Melissa! Thought it was a cardboard cutout!” —Cindy, endorsed by DonnaW, duranmom, Wiltasaurus, Anthony, MLM
“Imagine a CGI battle between the Mirrorballus Rex and very Tall Melissa.” —rays
“At the end with the lights Melissa and Tony looked Melissa and Tony looked like the movie poster for one of the original Stars Wars, I can’t remember which one” —Fridgedancer
“During Melissa and Tony’s FreeStyle routine, the big blocks they were dancing on reminded me of the top 3 tiers from the videogame Q-Bert. @!?@!” —Anthony
“When Tony was lifting Melissa during their freestyle, for a moment the fringe on her dress made him look as though he was wearing an old lady’s wig.” —Wiltasaurus
“Would those toilet paper strips be officially considered fringe?? I defer to you almighty Fringe Fairy, to make that call. It was like his head was coming through a car wash.” —Jem H
“Those are flaps of trash. Let’s not diminish the brand.” —Fringe Fairy
“The lady wearing the sparkly tiger shirt. Did anyone else notice that everytime she clapped the tiger looked like it was panting or sniffing the dance floor?” —Tlaz, endorsed by Kelsey
“McKayla, we’re all unimpressed with Derek at times.” —duranmom, endorsed by Colleen, BV, Wiltasaurus, Cindy, kellen, Liz, MissKitty
NEXT PAGE: Where was that crazy Fringe Fairy and her family?
“Tony’s little happy hop during the wrap up, his excitement all season has been one big gem.” —gemtastic15, endorsed by Fridgedancer
“Nancy Lee Grahn (Kelly’s friend from GH) taking a picture with her phone during the wrap-up!” —I love BB, endorsed by duranmom, MLM
LIFE-AFFIRMING GEMS (LAG) OF THE WEEK:
“At the 1/3 mark of Melissa & Tony’s freestyle …On the big screen was the galaxy and PLANET MIRRORBALLUS WAS THERE! Oh. My. Goodness! It’s real! Dreams do come true!” —debbsjo, endorsed by Wiltasaurus, Colleen
HIDDEN GEMS: La Famiglia Fringe Fairissima! To ease my disappointment over not spotting them on this, the last night of All-Star gem hunting, I have composed the following lament: “To Annie, Wherever I May Find Her” —Michele
“Can’t talk! Crying, choking up, and #sparklebarfing all over the place right now!” —Fringe Fairy
For those of you also wondering where the heck we were, you can kind of see us in the top left corner here: My really tall blond dad’s head obstructed by a feisty seat filler, sister, mom, and yours truly.
I made sure to lift my glowstick up the highest…..
And here’s a glamour shot of my dad (Bolero Bill)’s face obstructed by feathers.
BONUS FRINGE FAIRY SPARKLEBARF
Dad and I posed with a seemingly discarded/re-extinct Mirrorballus Rex, and that’s me with occasional gem hunter DANCMSTR Dee in the middle.
I can’t believe another season of our collective Jewel Quest is over. Frankly I can’t believe any of you keep coming back to participate in this INSANITY at all! That was not true! I’m a huge liar. Never trust a legendary creature.
Thank you, DANCMSTRs one and all, for a fabulous season of gems!
Not Enough Tristan in this pot o’ gold, I say! Press play for an extra dose of brogue-y goodness.