1. Madonna flashes rear during NYC concerts, urges fans to toss money on stage for Hurricane Sandy relief
She raised $38,000 for Hurricane Sandy and an additional $45,000 in pledges to the Keep Madonna Clothed Foundation.
2. In wake of success of TLC’s Breaking Amish, sister channel Discovery to air reality series Amish Mafia
They’ve already got some controversial footage, including a scene where someone is brutally butter-churned before being dumped in the trunk of a buggy.
3. ABC developing drama Big Thunder Mountain, based on Disney amusement-park ride with similar name
In an even exchange, Disney parks will start working on a Grey’s Anatomy ride, in which adult passengers must prevent a cute bicyclist from bleeding out, all while having sex with the nearest medical professional.
4. Mark Wahlberg’s SEAL Team 10 movie about the sole survivor of a 2005 Taliban ambush begins production
SEAL Team missions are now classified as dangerous, highly dangerous, book, or feature film.
5. Chris Brown joins modeling agency
Did you think he was going to use his free time to work on himself?
6. Vinny Guadagnino to get his own talk show on MTV after Jersey Shore ends
The proper response is not ”Why, oh, why?” but rather ”Thanks, MTV, for trying to keep ’em off the streets.”
7. George Washington series in the works at NBC
”Two terms. One cherry tree. Zero lies. By George, you’ve got him…next fall on NBC!”
8. Taylor Swift sells out first 14 stadium and arena shows on her Red tour within minutes
We are never ever ever ever going back to ”intimate venues”!
9. Liza Minnelli to guest on Smash
Straight dudes, this is the equivalent of the survivors on The Walking Dead opening a door to find a year’s rations and Kate Upton.