By Ray Rahman
November 20, 2012 at 08:38 PM EST
Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Rihanna’s strange, eventfully eventless 777 tour — seven cities in seven days with a plane full of fans and reporters — comes to an end today, culminating with a show in New York tonight.

And as the plane unloads its unhappy hostages, horror stories from the journey are emerging at breakneck speed. Endless waits on buses and tarmacs and in windowless holding pens, nude on-board mutinies, bad food, too much alcohol and too little Rihanna. Even Third Reich detention centers came (distastefully) into play. “Bedlam,” it seems, is the most common word used to describe the experience overall.

The most notable incident, of course, was that streaker — Australian DJ Tim Dormer, willing to sacrifice his dignity for the sake of giving the bored, exhausted journalists something, anything to write about. He’ll no doubt become a mini-meme (a fake Rihanna Plane Streaker Twitter, perhaps?), and has already become the subject of press interviews. You can watch the video of the event below:

And good for him for using the 777 tour to his advantage — something Rihanna herself failed to do. The no doubt ridiculously expensive publicity stunt has seemingly backfired on her. The main issue? Almost no face time with the star, who gave fans and reporters attention on day one, mingling and serving champagne, and then promptly disappeared for the remaining six. (She did, however, tweet out photos of herself in various stages of undress.) Also distressing were the living conditions, which seemed closer to cattle keeping than the supposed glamor a round-the-world jet would imply.

Stories about there not being any stories on the Rihanna plane have, unsurprisingly, become the story itself. “There has been a general discontent with the dearth of any interaction with the star,” Spin reported. “One person was basically responsible for not only regularly keeping us from doing our jobs, but from sleeping or eating or going outside or even using a bathroom,” an anonymous source told Gawker. Eventually, the disgruntled plane passengers broke out in chants like “Save our jobs! Save our jobs!” and “Just one quote!” and, hilariously, “Wi-Fi!”

Some dealt with their dissatisfaction creatively, posting “Missing” posters of Rihanna on the plane. Others (okay, most of them) took to Twitter to send out messages like, “This Australian motherf—er with the harmonica on the plane is about to get murked. #raisedbywolves #777tour.”

As for Rihanna? Us Weekly reports that the Unapologetic star is, well, apologetic. “I know you guys got barely any dirt,” she told the press faction on the plane. “But I had to be good. I still sound like sh–. It’s impossible to spend time with everybody, and I’m sorry I didn’t. But this was excellent and I would definitely do it again.”

“I had to preserve my health,” she continued. “Normally, I’d be back here popping bottles with y’all… I had to preserve my voice. I was worried about my body more than partying on the plane, so I had to just sleep whenever I could.”

Added the star, “I want to see the naked Australian!”

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