'30 Rock': Ryan Lochte plays a sex idiot
Liz Lemon has got her boyfriend, Criss, to thank for her recent sexual awakening. It’s like we’re witnessing a whole new Lemon: one who likes talking about her bathing suit area and making dirty puns over Sex and the City brunches. I’d never thought I’d live to see the day!
While Lemon was busy learning new sex positions—one of which includes a chair—Jack jumped back into the dating pool with not one, but a group of women. Using The Great Escape as his guide, Jack was dating different women to meet his needs. But things got a little awkward when Jack ran into lady friend and pizza chain heiress, Zarina Sbarro, while he was with Mindy, his sex idiot. He tried to explain things to Zarina, “we never said we were exclusive. And like a silverback gorilla or Mitt Romney’s grandfather, I require more than one woman to…” But she quickly stopped him and introduced him to her own sex idiot, guest star Ryan Lochte. When Jack realized he was just an aging Squirtle in Zarina’s Pokémon, he took the news pretty hard.
In the throwaway story of the episode, Jenna planted a rumor that she was 56 so she could start getting roles for older women. I yawned, and then rode my Geri-Chair straight upstairs to go to bed.
Because this wouldn’t be 30 Rock without Tina Fey & Co. making real-life issues plot points, Tracy angered Liz Lemon when he tweeted that women are not—and never will be—funny. At first, Lemon decided she wouldn’t even engage Tracy about his ridiculous argument. But her
stride of pride and nerd rage(!) got the best of her. Elizabeth Q. Lemonade decided to re-stage the two-woman show she and Jenna used to perform to prove once and for all, women are just as funny as monkeys! And it mostly worked. Tracy still missed the point, but Liz decided she’d take the small victory.
It’s imperative that I note Liz Lemon never got the Sex and the City brunch she so desired. All the TGS ladies kept avoiding her. But she did get a Carrie Bradshaw typing-on-her-Mac-Book monologue, complete with her version of Carrie’s pink tutu outfit. “I guess what I’m saying is, I need to modify my Zappos order. So please email me back at your earliest convenience.”
The top 10 lines from “Stride of Pride”:
++ “Come on, walk of shame? I say call it a stride of pride, and walk with your arms up like this!” —Lemon, redefining the walk of shame
++ Tracy’s tweet: “I agree @TheRealStephenHawking women are not funny. Never have been. Never will be. #PlotPoint”
++ “You wouldn’t ask an Asian person to give you a list of good Asian drivers.” —Liz
++ Jack: “I’m Great Escaping you. You have every right to do the same.”
Zarina: “My generation calls it Pokémon-ing. You gotta catch ’em all.”
++ Jack: “How many other Pokémons are there?”
Zarina: “Jack, the plural of Pokémon is Pokémon.”
++ “I am much too old to party. I watch Castle, and my purse is filled with Sweet’N Lows.” —Jenna
++ “There are no bad ideas, Lemon. Only great ideas that go horribly wrong.” —Jack
++ “We did it in the shower. My shoes got ruined.” —Liz, telling Jack about her new sex-positive lifestyle
++ “I don’t care if it takes all day, I want you to teach me how to copy all of those email addresses and paste them into a new email.” —Jack (and probably my mom at some point)
++ “Just be the older person. It’s fun. You get to say racist stuff whenever you want. And people bring you soup!” —Jenna
++ Bonus song lyrics: “This sketch is hilarious take it from me/Women are funny we can all agree/Carol Burnett, Lucille Ball/No, we’re not gonna do it, it’s beneath us all/’Cause we don’t need to prove it to you/No, we don’t need to prove it to you”
What did you think of “Stride of Pride”? Did you like Ryan Lochte’s guest spot? Sound off in the comments.