In Lady Gaga’s attempt to saturate every possible form of media, it seems she’s now released a rap song. Sort of.

Yesterday her producer, DJ White Shadow, announced on Twitter that he’d made some “TRAP s—” and invited followers to rap over the beat, Spin reports. The best one, he said, would get posted, with “extra bonus points for whoever writes a song about @ladygaga.”

People had a few hours to respond with their submissions before White Shadow dropped this nugget: “In an unusual twist of fate, the winner has asked not to be announced!” Intrigue! The winning track, called “Cake,” features chopped-and-screwed vocals spitting variations on swag, money, and more swag. (Also: baked goods.) Listen below:

Later, though, a fan did a little investigation and pitched the vocals back up to their original register. Take a listen, why don’t you:

That’s right, kids — it’s Lady Gaga. The whole “fan submission” thing was a ruse; she doesn’t actually want to hear her Monsters’ stupid rhymes, she just wants to hear herself! Think what you will about the song – seems to me like it’s making fun of trap – it doesn’t matter, because it’s Gaga.

In the immortal words of Maury Ballstein, she’s “so hot right now [she] could take a crap, wrap it in tinfoil, put a couple fish hooks on it and sell it to Queen Elizabeth as earrings.”

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