By Hillary Busis
September 20, 2012 at 03:32 PM EDT
Jason Merritt/Getty Images

Amanda Bynes is fine, you guys. Really. She is. In fact, she’s better than fine: “I am doing amazing,” the actress told People this week, finally speaking out after spending the last few months single-handedly keeping the auto insurance industry in business.

What, that’s not reassuring enough? Try this quote on for size: “I am retired as an actor. I am moving to New York to launch my career. I am going to do a fashion line… I am not talking about being arrested for DUI because I don’t drink, and I don’t drink and drive. It is all false.”

The magazine described Bynes as sounding “polite, respectful, and upbeat,” although she’s apparently also retiring her ability to use contractions.

But other unnamed sources are singing a different tune.  One tells People that Bynes is in denial: “She tells people she doesn’t party or drink. She doesn’t realize she has a problem.” Another says the actress behaved bizarrely at the gym this week. According to the source, Bynes showed up for a spin class on Tuesday only to spend 10 minutes fussing with her bra, hair extensions, and makeup — before putting her shirt back on and leaving the class altogether.

It’s not exactly shaving her head and attacking a paparazzo’s car with an umbrella, but still — those descriptions definitely don’t jibe with Bynes’ own assessment. We’ll see if she changes her story once the verdict on that DUI, as well as two hit-and-run counts, comes out.

On a totally unrelated note: Hilary Duff, married mom and wildly successful young adult author, is doing just great. And this time, I’m not being sarcastic.

Read more:

Lindsay Lohan arrested for striking a pedestrian with her SUV

Lindsay Lohan’s mad that Amanda Bynes is not in jail

The hell-and-back journey of Natasha Lyonne: ‘I was definitely as good as dead’